I’m of the opinion that Thanksgiving needs a new name.
Sure, it’s still a time when friends and relatives gather in one spot to enjoy a home-cooked meal and set aside mutual dysfunctions, if just for a few hours.
But, that’s not all Thanksgiving represents – not by a long shot.
In the past few years, more and more stores have opted to open their doors on this day, eager to get a jump on holiday shopping.
This Thanksgiving, after you’ve taken your last bite and argued your last point, you have the option of escaping to the packed aisles of Macy’s, J.C. Penney, Kohl’s or Kmart, to name few.
I’m not going to argue if those stores should be open on a national holiday or if retail workers should have to chose between manning a cash register or downing slices of pumpkin pie.
Rather, I’m advocating that, based on Thanksgiving Day’s newfound value as the economic gateway to Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday, it should have a new name.
How about Gray Thursday? No, that won’t work.
Let’s try Thanks For Shopping Day. No? Well, I do get credit for keeping the “Thanks”?
What about Hand over your Credit Card Day? No, that might be a bit too violent.
Or, and I really like this one, “Thanks for giving to the economy by buying stuff that will likely end up in the basement or the back of the closet day.”
Too long? Maybe.
But I truly feel that, aside from being too short, the name Thanksgiving doesn’t reflect the frenzied shopping nature that takes root on the last Thursday of November.
Once we settle on a new name, and we will, the only day left without a menacing economic moniker will be the Sunday sandwiched between Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday.
One suggestion might be, My wallet is empty Sunday? Or, Go out to dinner because I can’t eat anymore turkey day?
All I know is that referring to that day simply as Sunday just wont do.
At this point, you might be asking why those days even need to be saddled with a name or a re-branding.
For the movie, of course.
The production would be similar to “The Avengers”, except that all five days would be forced to work together to save the holiday shopping season.
But, in order for that kind of team to work, each day must have a catchy name.
Everyone knows that.