Vacation guilt

Every day, when I show up at work, I read about the latest company to lay off loyal workers. I read about unemployment coffers that are emptying at record rates.

I, like everyone else, ripped my annual 401k statement from its envelope and stuffed it into my filing cabinet as fast as possible so I wouldn't dwell on the depressing numbers.

I -- like countless others -- am working harder at second and third jobs (anyone need a wedding photographer? Spanish interpreter or translation services?) to make up for a lack of raises (nearly four years now for me) and job security.

I just bought a house in the fall -- by myself. So, I'm worrying about whether I should be spending money on a week of relaxation and fun. I'm afraid I'll get back and my car will break down or gas prices will skyrocket again or something will happen at work and then I'll be kicking myself for the trip and money spent.

But then I look in the mirror and see how tired I look.

I rest a heating pad on my neck and shoulders many week nights before bed in hopes it will ease the tension that seems to build during the day.

I think about the mornings when I rose before dawn to interpret for some meeting before driving to York for work. And the nights I stayed up too late double checking the accuracy of a translation I was finally almost done with. Or all those beautiful summer Saturdays I sacrificed gatherings with friends to photograph a wedding.

And I remember that I have a week of vacation left to use because I didn't go on vacation last summer. I remind myself that I've been a serious bargain shopper and have been cooking at home rather than eating out.

I try to convince myself that it is important to take care of myself.

But I still feel guilty.