In this week’s edition of What Have We Learned, Tom and I discuss stoned old people, lawsuits and the legal genius of Lionel Hutz, having fun in Vegas and the Black Death.
First up, stoned old people.
Three Huntington Beach, Calif., senior citizens were hospitalized Saturday after they were fed pot brownies at a memorial service for their friend. The seniors, two 71-year-old women and an 82-year-old man, suffered “dizziness and [an] inability to stand unassisted,” according to a report on the Huntington Beach Police Department’s Facebook page.
What have we learned?
It also gave them greater insight into the artistry of the White Album.
Or, They were treated with a bag of Doritos and released.
Or, “Whoa! If I connect the age spots on the back of my hand, it looks just like Mick Jagger.”
Or, I didn’t know Keith Richards caters funerals.
Or, A hospital spokesman described their conditions as “kind of giggly.”
Or, “I never before pickup on all of the levels and nuances of meaning in ‘Monk.’ I liked where he counted all of those toothpicks.”
And then, the lawsuit, complete with a “Simpsons” reference.
A York man who pleaded guilty to illegally selling prescription drugs is suing the doctor who prescribed the painkillers to him for medical malpractice and medical negligence. Lionel “Beans” Sease, serving a six-to-16-year sentence for possession with the intent to deliver drugs and cocaine delivery, is seeking $43 million in damages from the doctor.
What have we learned?
This is the most important lawsuit in American jurisprudence since Lionel Hutz sued over the “Neverending Story.”
And a local crime story, complete with a “Dr. Strangelove Reference.” Never get tired of “Dr. Strangelove.”
A North Hopewell Township woman was arrested last week for allegedly shoplifting a candle, two sticks of butter, cheese, a box of oatmeal raisin cookies and 10 packs of batteries from a grocery store.
What have we learned?
Fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.
And, finally, a science joke, kind of.
Researchers who have sequenced the genome of the bacteria responsible for The Black Death from the medieval era have concluded that it was a newly evolved variant of a harmless bacteria.
What have we learned?
Ultimate conclusion? God’s punishment for taking prayer out of medieval schools.
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