Bacterial flagellum makes triumphant return!

By MIKE ARGENTO

HARRISBURG — Scott Minnich loves the bubonic plague. He loves talking about it. Just loves it.
And Thursday, during the University of Idaho microbiologist’s testimony as an expert witness on Day Whatever of the Dover Panda Trial, he mentioned the plague, I believe, at least three times.
Just about every time he mentioned it, he also mentioned it killed “200 million people.�
Two hundred million people.
Sitting in the stuffy courtroom, after lunch, listening, once again, for what seemed like the 200 millionth time, to some guy droning on and on about bacterial flagella, I made the following notation in my notebook:
“Lucky bastards.�
Yes, our old friend the bacterial flagellum was back.
And as much as the intelligent design people love the plague and the Big Bang and the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence and directed panspermia and whatnot, they have special place in their hearts for the bacterial flagellum.
I hear they can cure that nowadays, bacterial flagella in your heart.
They love the bacterial flagellum because ... you really don’t want to know, do you? I mean, by now, you’re tired of it. I’m tired of it. Everybody in the courtroom is tired of it.
Even the judge seems tired of it.
As an illustration of our old pal the bacterial flagellum flashed on the big screen in the courtroom, Judge John E. Jones III cracked, “We’ve seen that.�
Minnich acknowledged the judge’s feelings. “I feel like Zsa Zsa’s fifth husband. I know what to do. I just don’t know how to make it exciting,� he said.
He somehow managed not to exceed those expectations.
He said he’s “fascinated� by the bacterial flagellum, revealing a man who is in desperate need of a hobby.
And so it went on. And on. And on.
At one point, a ray of hope appeared as defense attorney Robert Muise appeared to have run out of questions about the bacterial flagellum. No such luck.
“We’ll return to the bacterial flagellum later,� the lawyer said.
Kill me now.
As bad as things were, it was worse for Muise. At one point, he tried to get Minnich to talk about the guy who lost his keys — remember him? He was some guy running a scientific journal that published an article on intelligent design and wound up filing a federal complaint about the other scientists being mean to him. Among his complaints, they hid his keys.
So Muise wanted Minnich to recall that incident, relying on “the public record.�
Steve Harvey, one of the lawyers for the plaintiffs, objected on the grounds of hearsay.
Muise began to respond, mentioning the “public record,� and the judge cut him off, asking, “Do you mean newspaper articles?� Muise and his cohorts have a standing objection to the admission of newspaper articles into the record, a dispute that will be settled today, and the judge said if Muise was going to rely on newspaper articles, it seemed to be a change in strategy, to say the least.
Muise started to say something and the judge cut him off, delivering a verbal slap upside the head: “Don’t insult my intelligence.�
Anyway, Minnich said a lot of stuff — mostly, surprise, about the bacterial flagellum; it’s like this guy’s “fascinated� by it or something — and then came time for cross examination.
It turns out — surprise! — that it’s not just the intelligent design people who love the bacterial flagellum.
You know who else loves it?
Creationists.
And they loved it first.
Harvey produced an article from something called “Creation Research Society Quarterly� that contained — surprise, again! — pretty much the same argument regarding the bacterial flagellum that the intelligent design people employ to suggest that natural selection couldn’t have been responsible for something that looks like it was designed or something.
The difference?
The creationists say God made the bacterial flagellum and the intelligent design people say it was some kind of intelligent agent that could be God, or maybe space aliens, or even Elvis, for all we know.
And that article was published two years before one of the patron saints of intelligent design, Michael Behe, published a book making exactly the same argument in service of ID.
Hmmmmmm.
Which brings us back to what this exercise is all about.
It’s not about science. It’s not about providing decent public education. It’s not about the kids.
It’s about putting religion into the public schools. It’s about a small group of people trying to force their brand of Christianity on unsuspecting kids. It’s about ignoring the Constitution of the United States, violating our rights and chipping away at our freedom. Period.
And it won’t stop with biology class.
The day after the school board changed the biology curriculum to include intelligent design creationism — let’s call it what it is — social studies teacher Brad Neal e-mailed Asst. Supt. Mike Baksa, joking about Dover converting from being “standards-driven� to being “living word-driven.�
Baksa replied that the school board, specifically, board member Alan Bonsell, was looking at introducing Christianity into the social studies curriculum next, passing on a book that Bonsell provided that argues separation of church and state is a “myth.�
Wonder how they’ll work our old buddy the bacterial flagellum into that?

Mike Argento, whose column appears Mondays and Thursdays in Living and Sundays in Viewpoints, can be reached at 771-2046 or at mike@ydr.com. Read more Argento columns at ydr.com/mike or at www.yorkblog.com — Argento’s Front Stoop.