Press secretary explains oh so fully

McCLELLAN: I’ve answered this question. To reiterate, the vice president reported the shooting promptly and spoke with the sheriff’s deputies in a prompt manner and by that, I mean within, maybe, a day. It wasn’t like he waited an unreasonable amount of time, and if you continue to consider 20 hours as an unreasonable time, I’d like to suggest that it’s not all that long considering that the planet is somewhere between 4 billion and 6,000 years old, depending on your source. So by that standard, it’s not unreasonable at all. Next.

QUESTION: Once again, Scott, why did it take so long for the shooting to be disclosed?

McCLELLAN: We believe it’s important that information be released to the public as soon as possible, and in this instance, we still believe that and we also believe that it’s important that Congress act to ban all forms of simian-human hybrids or else we face the kind of frightening future portrayed in “Planet of the Apes.�

QUESTION: Scott, moving on, do you have any response to the comments by the vice president’s former spokesperson Mary Matalin who said the victim was to blame for the shooting?

McCLELLAN: It’s premature to comment on that as the information we have right now is that it may or may not have been the victim’s fault. It could have been the dog’s fault. It could have been a lot of things. The sun could have gotten in his eyes. I’m not going to speculate about that.

QUESTION: Scott, is the White House concerned that the vice president’s office has blamed the victim?

McCLELLAN: Now, to be absolutely clear about this, we are not absolutely sure of the facts of the matter and whether or not there were any extenuating circumstances. And I’m not sure I’m able to discuss that matter. As I’ve explained fully, I’ve explained fully.

QUESTION: What have you explained fully?

McCLELLAN: I have answered that question.

QUESTION: OK, you’ve answered the question about what you’ve fully explained? Is that what you’re saying?

McCLELLAN: I want to be very clear about this. I’ve fully explained that I’ve answered the question about whether I’ve fully explained the answer to your question. Now, if you don’t understand that .¤.¤. .

QUESTION: OK, you’ve fully explained that you’ve answered the question about whether you’ve fully explained the answer to the question whether the White House was informed of what happened in a timely manner?

McCLELLAN: That’s not the question I was asked. I was asked whether I answered the question that I fully explained on my previous attempt to fully explain the answer to your question. It’s very simple. It is what it is.

QUESTION: Scott, so if I understand you correctly, you’ve said you’ve fully explained the answer to the question about whether you’ve fully explained. Are you saying that you’ve fully explained the question or the answer?

McCLELLAN: I’ve answered that question.

QUESTION: I’m not sure you have. You said you’ve fully explained the answer, but I’m not sure what the answer was, so how could you have fully explained it?

McCLELLAN: I’ve fully explained that I’ve answered the question and provided a full explanation of the question and the answer and have provided you with a full explanation of both the question and answer, as I’ve fully explained. Now, I’ve answered that question.

QUESTION: OK, Scott, let’s try a different tack. Yes or no, did the vice president inform the president after the incident?

McCLELLAN: I believe we’ve covered that and have provided a full explanation. As you know, I’ve fully explained that and my explanation was full, I believe. Now, if we could move on .¤.¤. .

QUESTION: Is there a reason you’re dodging questions on this subject?

McCLELLAN: I’m not sure what you’re asking, but I have explained that, fully, and have answered all the questions you’ve asked.

QUESTION: No you haven’t.

McCLELLAN: The questions that have been asked have been answered, and I’ve explained fully that the answers to those questions are full and have been explained.

QUESTION: Can you answer a simple question?

McCLELLAN: I have explained fully and completely that we have answered and explained fully whatever it is you’re asking. Now, moving on, do you have questions about whether I’ve fully explained my answers to questions about whether I’ve fully explained the answers? No? OK, about the monkey-men ... .

Mike Argento, whose column appears Mondays and Thursdays in Living and Sundays in Viewpoints, can be reached at 771-2046 or at mike@ydr.com.