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A tank full of reasons for high gas prices

Apr 27, 2006 — Now that gas is hitting three bucks a gallon and you have to get a second mortgage and sell off your grandma's china and put your kid to work to fill your tank, let's take a look at some of the market realities that cause gasoline prices to fluctuate, such as demand on the world market, unrest in certain corners of the planet, the phases of the moon.

Actually, nobody can really explain why gas prices have spiked recently. I've read a lot and listened to lot of the TV bloviators and none can say exactly why we now have to donate plasma to be able to drive to the grocery store to buy the cat food we're all soon going to have to eat to get by.

Is it because China and India are buying more gas? Is it because of the Arabs? Is it because worldwide oil prices are set by a complicated series of market pressures that are based, more or less, on some guy utilizing the 21st Century technology of the Magic 8 Ball?

Who knows?

Instead, lets look at some economic news.

Last year, Exxon made $36 billion in profits.

Thirty-six billion dollars is a lot of money. To put into terms we all understand, or at least that I understand, that's 2,400,000,000 cases of Yuengling, enough for a pretty decent weekend.

The word that comes to mind is obscene and on the obscenity scale, it's somewhere between Janet Jackson's breast and the breathtaking inanity of "American Idol."

So Exxon made a lot of money.

And the boss of Exxon, a guy named Lee Raymond, made a lot of money.

Last year, he made $69.7 million.

And it kind of crashes the irony meter that last fall, while testifying before Congress about high gas prices, he actually said, "We're all in this together."

Here's a guy who makes, roughly, $190,958.90 a day, or $7,956.62 an hour, or $132.61 a minute, every minute of every day, even while he's sleeping, saying, "We're all in this together."

Lee, if we're all in this together, how about a spare million or so for a buddy? Cash is OK.

So, generally, speaking, he makes more reading the morning paper on the toilet - to put it politely - than many people make in a month.

Speaking of many people, let's take a look at the people who actually sell Exxon's flagship product.

I did some checking around and clerks at convenience stores that sell Exxon gasoline make about $7 an hour, slightly less than Raymond's hourly wage.

That's $280 a week, $14,560 a year.

Before taxes.

Of course, there are perks. Clerks get vacations and can buy health insurance and occasionally get a free soda or a Slim Jim. But then again, compared to Raymond, they don't get stock options and a corporate jet and free hotel rooms and a bunch of sycophantic toadies to do your bidding.

And, recently, who do you think is catching more flack for high gas prices from the public, Lee Raymond or the hard-working clerk at a convenience store?

I stopped at a couple of convenience stores the other morning and learned that people love to complain about high gas prices to clerks, as if they have anything to do with it. One woman, who didn't want her name used because she wasn't crazy about getting fired, said, "People want to know when it's going to stop. I don't have anything to do with that."

Between selling Mountain Dew, Slim Jims and Marlboros, she simply doesn't have the time to jack up gas prices at her whim.

Interesting, in the time it takes her to sell $30 worth of gas, a one-liter bottle of Sierra Mist and a pack of Dorals to a customer, Lee Raymond made another $132.61.

And some of the experts are flummoxed when it comes to trying to explain high gas prices.

Apparently, trying to justify it has worn thin on old Lee. He's announced his retirement.

He's not exactly going to be clipping coupons and hitting the early-bird special at Hoss's. He's not going to have to worry about getting by on Social Security and trying to figure out the Medicare prescription drug plan and driving around Florida with his left turn signal blinking.

His retirement package is valued at $400 million, including pension, stock options, two years of home security, personal security, a car and a driver and use of the corporate jet.

Gee, I wonder why gas prices are so high ...

Mike Argento, whose column appears Mondays and Thursdays in Living and Sundays in Viewpoints, can be reached at 771-2046 or at mike@ydr.com.