Don't try this at home!

The perils of driving on three wheels
MIKE ARGENTO

May 11, 2006 — In the annals of bizzaro crimes, it's hard to beat a couple of bank robberies that, inexplicably, occurred in Hanover a few years back.

In the one, police arrested a suspect when he stopped to get gas a couple blocks from the bank. Police heading toward the bank alarm spotted him and pinched him at the pump. In the other - what has to be the best crime ever - some guy came up with a brilliant idea for knocking over a bank. He figured it'd be a good idea to hold up the bank at the drive-through window.

It seemed like a good plan. He'd already be in the getaway car, giving him a head start on pursuing police. He apparently didn't think it through; it was suspected that substances that alter one's ability to make sound judgments might have been involved.

Or, perhaps, he was just stupid.

Nevertheless, we now have a new candidate to add to the annals of bizzaro crimes. This one involves drunken driving. Usually, the Daily Record doesn't report every DUI in the county - we wouldn't have room to publish anything else - but this is a special instance, as you will soon see. I'm withholding the suspect's name because, well, he seems to have a lot of problems and having his name in the paper certainly wouldn't help and since the paper usually doesn't report DUIs, it doesn't seem fair to single this guy out. Besides, I tried calling him to get his side of the story - leaving messages - but he didn't call back.

On the other hand, though, he deserves singling out.

The story begins about 10 p.m. last Friday, recounted in a police report compiled by state police Trooper Brian Torkar, when our hero wrecked his 1990 Mercury Cougar on Route 616 in Shrewsbury Township, running into a railroad bridge.

Now, normally, a person wrecks a car into a railroad bridge and it's the end of the story. This, though, was just the beginning.

Our hero, instead, drove off. He pretty much was compelled to drive off because he was driving without a license, his privileges having been suspended for a previous conviction for DUI, and well, police said, he was drunk so it probably wasn't a good idea to wait for the cops to show up.

Which they were going to do because a witness to the accident called the cops.

Of course, when Torkar arrived, the driver was long gone.

Which is quite a feat considering that the impact with the railroad bridge had ripped off the right front wheel of his car.

The whole wheel.

He tried to drive home, which is hard enough with a car missing a front wheel, and it's even more difficult if you have a bad sense of direction.

The guy lives in Craley, but he somehow got turned in the wrong direction and headed toward Hanover. Craley is east of where he wrecked and Hanover is west - about 15 miles west.

It's easy to understand. Those roads in southern York County can be confusing.

So he drove along Route 216, sparks flying from the hub gouging the pavement, not aware that, a few miles behind, the police had caught his trail.

Firefighters and a cop with the Southern Regional Police department had spotted gouge marks on the highway and alerted Torkar, who followed the marks.

Meanwhile, York County 911 had received several calls from motorists on Route 216 who reported seeing a three-wheeled westbound 1990 Mercury Cougar leaving a trail of sparks in its wake. Several were following the car.

The guy, trying to the other motorists following him, turned in to Cooper Motors on York Road in Penn Township, just outside Hanover. Maybe he was just trying to find a wheel for his car; Cooper Motors is a Lincoln-Mercury dealer.

While driving through the parking lot, he hit a speed bump a little too hard and ruptured his gas tank. All of his fuel spilled out and the car stopped.

The guy got out of the car and was sitting in the parking lot, leaning against another parked car, when Penn Township police found him and turned him over to Torkar.

The guy was cooperative, Torkar reported. Actually, he was pretty good about it, the trooper said.

Torkar charged the guy with DUI and driving with a suspended license.

Still, even though the guy broke the law, Torkar said, he was impressed that the guy was able to drive from Shrewsbury Township to Hanover, over a winding country highway, in a car that only had three wheels.

"You wonder how it was possible," Torkar said.

Mike Argento, whose column appears Mondays and Thursdays in Living and Sundays in Viewpoints, can be reached at 771-2046 or at mike@ydr.com.Read more Argento columns at ydr.com/mike or at www.yorkblog.com - Argento's Front Stoop.