Dear President Bush: Wish you weren’t here

All due respect, you may be a terrible president — even people who support you now are wondering what they were thinking — but you’re the only one we got, so there’s that.

And sure, going to Harley-Davidson was a no-brainer. Wrapping yourself in the Harley bar and shield is akin to wrapping yourself in the American flag. (Thankfully, Congress hasn’t included politicians wrapping themselves in the flag as a punishable portion of its failed attempt to band flag desecration.)

You can’t go wrong trying to associate yourself with Harley. It’s an American icon, like Levi jeans, except you can’t buy a pair of American-made Levis anymore, thanks, in part, to your policies. But that’s nit-picking, and we’re not here to pick nits.

OK, we are.

You picked Harley, obviously, because you needed a boost, considering you’re about as popular now as Mel Gibson at a meeting of the B’nai B’rith. How’d that work out?

I mean, here you were, visiting Pennsylvania, and one of your biggest fans, U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Pa./Va., stayed far, far away. That’s not surprising. For one thing, Santorum seems confused, believing that Pennsylvania, for residency purposes, is located somewhere in Virginia. (Geography, I know, isn’t one of your strong subjects either.) For another thing, Santorum is up for re-election and is trying to convince voters that he’s not a right-wing nutcase and staying far, far away from you is part of the strategy. (Or, as you say it, strateredgy.)

You did have our own U.S. Rep. Todd Platts by your side. I don’t know, Dubya, but when I saw the pictures of Todd beaming at you, I could only think of Smithers from “The Simpsons.� Waylon Smithers, you see, is the sycophantic underling to the evil Mr. Burns on the show. Platts even looks like Smithers. Read into that what you will.

For the most part, folks around here didn’t care much about your visit. They went about their lives, doing what they had to do to get through Wednesday. When they were asked, they kind of shrugged and didn’t really care one way or the other. The protesters didn’t even get too excited. Maybe they were glued to CNN, keeping up with the breaking news in the arrest of an alleged creep in the murder of JonBenet Ramsey. Who knows?

I did talk to a bunch of people and one, particularly, sticks out — Eddie Krevis, 45, a construction worker and a salesman.

Eddie said he is a Republican, and he voted for you — twice. And he said this: “I’m a little disappointed.�

He also said it didn’t seem like you “have a grip on what’s going on.�

And he said, “I’m disgusted by the war.�

Oh, that.

The war.

Now, I know you’re probably tired of hearing from people who think you’ve completely screwed up the war. But still, it does seem like you just don’t get it.

The same day you visited Harley, The New York Times had a story about your meeting with your war cabinet. People who were there said you were puzzled and frustrated that the Iraqi people haven’t embraced us there. And they said you complained that the Iraqi people didn’t appreciate our sacrifice on their behalf.

Well, duh.

Um, you know, Dubya, you kill a bunch of people and leave them without electricity and jobs and pretty much wreck their country and then lock up a bunch of them, who may or may not have actually done anything wrong, and abuse them and so on and so forth, it just might generate some ill will.

Anyway, I seem to have wandered from the point of this missive.

Again, thanks for dropping in. It was quite exciting to have those helicopters flying overhead, and I’m sure the Harley workers who had to stay after their shifts will eventually forget about it. (I don’t know whether they got paid overtime to stand around, but if that’s the case, they actually may be grateful.)

The whole thing was worth it, just to see you strutting around Harley, wearing those Bono sunglasses. (I know, they were safety glasses, required by laws that, I’m sure, you’re working hard to undermine. Maybe a signing statement was in order.) You haven’t looked so muy macho since you landed on that aircraft carrier and announced “Mission Accomplished.�

Remember that?

I didn’t think so.

Now, it was great of you to drop by.

But in the future, it’d be OK if you stay away. Really.

A lot of us would be really glad if you’d just spend the next two years clearing brush down there in Crawford. As comic Bill Maher said, just don’t touch anything. It’s OK.

So thanks for stopping by.

No need to come back.


Really.

Regards,

Your Friend.

Mike. Mike Argento, whose column appears Mondays and Fridays in Living and Sundays in Viewpoints, can be reached at 771-2046 or at mike@ydr.com.