There's more to life than death and taxes

It really started on Sept. 18, 2003. The family of Donald Smith Sr., an Air Force veteran and retired construction worker, visited Suburban Memorial Gardens on Bull Road in Dover Township to make arrangements. Four days later, Donald Sr. died. He was 73.

He was cremated, and his ashes were interred with full military rites. Not long after his burial, the cemetery placed his Veterans' Administration marker on his grave, mounting it to a granite foundation provided by the cemetery. The family was in dire financial straits so cemetery owner Ted Martin told them he'd permit them to make payments on the fees and costs of the funeral.

Fast-forward to Aug. 13 - a Sunday.

Donald Smith Jr. took his 69-year-old mother, Eva, to visit Donald Sr.'s grave.

His marker was gone.

Eva cried.

Donald Jr. got angry.

"It tore me up to see her crying like that," Donald Jr. said.

Here's where things get complicated.

Donald Jr. said his mother had some money troubles - she gets by on her Social Security and small pensions from her and her husband's former employer. When Donald Sr. died, Eva was entitled to collect half of Donald Sr.'s pension. Bills piled up, and what with heating costs so high, she fell behind.

One of those bills was her monthly payment on her husband's burial and the granite foundation for the VA marker.

Martin had removed the marker from the grave.

Donald Jr. called the cops, who couldn't do anything about it, seeing as no crime had been committed. The cops advised him to get a lawyer. He and other family members contacted the cemetery - encounters that were confrontational and emotional, something to be expected considering the circumstances.

The marker stayed off.

Donald Jr. said Martin was being unreasonable and that removal of his father's marker had caused his family great distress.

Martin said the Smiths haven't been paying the bill and that his cemetery is a business.

Seems kind of simple.

But there's still more to it.

Whatever his mother's financial difficulties, she has had trouble keeping up with payments on her husband's burial.

It started out with a payment of $73 a month. Martin said his bank carried the loan and a short time into it, the bank called him to inform him that Eva had missed payments and was in default.

At that point, Martin could have told the bank to go ahead and file a judgement against Eva Smith. But he didn't. He bought the loan back and went to Eva's house to work it out.

He re-wrote her original contract, reducing the payments to $24 a month. He told her it was important that she make the payments.

And for a few months, she did.

Then, from May to July of this year, she missed three payments. Donald Jr. said his mother was having money problems, what with high heating bills from the winter and other expenses. She's on a fixed income, he said, and it's tough.

In May, after not receiving payment, Martin informed Eva Smith in a letter that he was removing her husband's marker since it hadn't been paid for.

In July, Eva made a payment.

Martin sent it back, informing her she had to pay off the balance, about $1,300.

Eva then sent in three payments and Martin accepted them.

Still, he didn't put the marker back on the grave for the simple reason that it hadn't been paid for.

There's been communication back and forth - not all of it good. Martin said he's had to take some grief.

But it's a business.

It is, and it deals with people when their emotions are close to the skin.

Martin understands that. His is a mom-and-pop operation. He had worked previously for corporate-owner cemeteries, and he knows that they would not have been as understanding, and by now, would have sued to force payment. He said he'd rather try to work it out. On the other hand, though, he's provided a service and hasn't been paid for it.

Martin said he tried to work with Eva, meeting with her numerous times to try to work it out. Had he not wanted to work with her, he said, he could have simply gone to the district justice's office and filed a judgment against Eva for the debt. But he didn't want to do that, understanding that it's an emotional issue.

He could have done some other things. He could had disinterred Donald Sr., but he said he's not going to do that. He could have sent the Veterans' Administration marker back to the VA, something that would require Donald Sr.'s family to reapply to the VA to get it back. He hasn't done that.

That's where it stands. Donald Smith Sr.'s grave remains unmarked, save for a Veterans' Administration flag holder that says, simply, "Korean War, 1951-55." The marker is locked up.

Donald Jr. made a couple of payments the other day.

Martin is considering his options and thinking about a way to settle the matter.

So that's the story.

The conclusion?

They say the only things you can't escape in life are death and taxes.

Well, add to the list, paying for someone to put you in the ground when it's all over.