January 2007 Archives

News arrives that Stonehenge is part of a larger complex in England. Read about it here.

Made me think of Spinal Tap.

Guitar god Nigel Tufnel, introducing a Stonehenge-themed song, tells the crowd: "In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people... the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing... '"

The Stonehenge stage prop, due to miscommunication, turns out to be 18-inches tall and in the words of singer David St. Hubbins is threatened with being crushed by a dwarf.

And now, ladies and gentlement, the comedic stylings of our one and only president, delivered at the exclusive Alfalfa Club in Washington, as reported in the Washington Post:

"As always, I'm delighted to be back at Alfalfa. When I was here last year, my approval rating was in the 30s, my nominee for the Supreme Court had just withdrawn and my vice president had shot someone -- ah, those were the good old days.

"What with the polls and everything, the Washington Post said the other day that I was, quote, 'at the nadir of my presidency.' The press always underestimates me. I can go lower.

"Hey, let me give you an update on that satellite that was blown out of the sky last week. The Chinese didn't do it. Cheney was out hunting again."

I'm here all week! Try the veal!

Actually, glad he can laugh about it. We certainly can't.

I wrote a column that said, among other things, that the congregation of Rev. Fred Phelps -- the God Hates Fags people -- is really a group of secular progressives and that their act is satirical performance art. They are funny.

Anyway, I heard from one of them, Margie Phelps, apparently related to Fred. Apparently, I'm going to be a stand-up comedian in hell. So I got that going for me.

The text of the e-mail -- and a correction sent by another Phelps, Shirley -- is after the jump...

Barbaro was put down Monday morning.

Read the Philly Daily News story here.

He was a great horse.

OK, it's your run-of-the-mill story about an escaped convict who makes his get-away by stealing a Wal-Mart truck and then Crystal Gayle's tour bus and is apprehended watching a race at Daytona while apparently trying to get home to see his sick mother.

Read the CNN story here.

Did they make a movie of this once, with Burt Reynolds and Jerry Reed?

Has the makings of a pretty good country song.

In his speech, President Dubya said, "The Shia and Sunni extremists are different faces of the same totalitarian threat," he said. "Whatever slogans they chant ... they have the same wicked purpose. They want to kill Americans, kill democracy in the Middle East."

So, if the Shia win, we're screwed.

And if the Sunnis win, we're screwed.

Guess that clears that up.

And what's the deal with the Baby Einstein woman? She made a bundle making kiddie videos and she's an American hero? I don't get it.

And where was the out-of-left-field, bat-guano-crazy proposal? Where was the we're-going-to-Mars moment? Or the steroids in baseball moment? Or the human-animal hybrid moment?

Guy's losing his touch. No mission to Mars, no steroids, no monkey-man.

Anyway, Dubya's speech served, as his advisors have been saying, as a means to change the subject, to get the debate away from Iraq and move it onto domestic issues, that Dubya wants to focus on domestic policies.

We've seen what he's done in Iraq. We'd rather he not focus on domestic issues. How about he just sit quietly and not touch anything the next two years?

The person in the Netherlands did not invent beer for dogs. Jamie Miller, a former radio DJ living in the Napa Valley, did.
Check it out here.
More to come later on this developing story of great importance to all canine-Americans.

The Associated Press reports:

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands — After a long day hunting, there's nothing like wrapping your paw around a cold bottle of beer. So Terrie Berenden, a pet shop owner in the southern Dutch town of Zelhem, created a beer for her Weimaraners made from beef extract and malt.

"Once a year we go to Austria to hunt with our dogs, and at the end of the day we sit on the verandah and drink a beer. So we thought, my dog also has earned it," she said.

Berenden consigned a local brewery to make and bottle the nonalcoholic beer, branded as Kwispelbier. It was introduced to the market last week and advertised it as "a beer for your best friend."

"Kwispel" is the Dutch word for wagging a tail.

The beer is fit for human consumption, Berenden said. But at euro1.65 ($2.14) a bottle, it's about four times more expensive than a Heineken.

Don't know about you, but my dog, Homer the retired racing greyhound, really doesn't need beer. He's goofy enough sober.

Just one question: Beer made from "beef extract" is fit for human consumption?

Word just arrived that Art Buchwald has died. He was 81.

Art was one of the great newspaper columnists of the past 50 years. He was funny and gracious and just a nice guy.

I met him once, years ago, at an Orioles' Opening Day at old Memorial Stadium. He was in search of a hot dog at the time.

Last year, the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, of which I am the current president, honored Art with its lifetime achievement award. In a videotaped acceptance speech, recorded from his room at the hospice where he spent many months last year, he said, "Dying is easy. Parallel parking is hard."

A great man and a great writer.

He will be missed.

Read the Washington Post obituary here

Watch the New York Times video obit here.

Not much to say about this. O'Reilly commenting on the Missouri kidnapping case, via Media Matters: "On the January 15 edition of Fox News' The O'Reilly Factor, host Bill O'Reilly said of Shawn Hornbeck -- who was abducted at the age of 11, held for four years, and recently found in Missouri -- that "there was an element here that this kid liked about this circumstances" and that he "do[esn't] buy" "the Stockholm syndrome thing."

O'Reilly also said: "The situation here for this kid looks to me to be a lot more fun than what he had under his old parents. He didn't have to go to school. He could run around and do whatever he wanted." When fellow Fox News host Greta Van Susteren pointed out that "[s]ome kids like school," O'Reilly replied: "Well, I don't believe this kid did."

The following day, during his "Talking Points Memo" segment, O'Reilly responded to viewer mail criticizing his comments about Hornbeck. O'Reilly concluded: "I hope he did not make a conscious decision to accept his captivity because" his kidnapper "made things easy for him. No school, play all day long."

Unbelievable.

Gov. Ed Rendell, at his inaugural ball, was serenaded by Jon Bon Jovi.

Wait a minute! Isn't Bon Jovi from Jersey?

Couldn't he find a Pennsylvania band?

First, it was U.S. Sen. George "Macaca" Allen insulting just about every ethnic group he could.

Then, it was U.S. Rep. Virgil H. Goode Jr., a Republican, complaining that a Muslim member of Congress would take his oath on the Quran and warned of a possible Muslim takeover of Congress.

And now, we have Virginia delegate Frank D. Hargrove Jr., a Republican, saying that blacks "should just get over" slavery and that the state issuing an apology for slavery would be akin to asking Jews to apologize for killing Jesus.

And when a Jewish member of the Virginia legislature took him to task for the comment, Hargrove told him, "Your skin is a little too thin."

He did apologize, sort of, saying he didn't even know his colleague was Jewish.

What is it with Virginia? Not enough oxygen in the atmosphere?

Defense Secretary Robert Gates, testifying about the troop surge in Iraq, told Congress, "I would confess I'm no expert on Iraq."

Later, asked about details of the plan, he said he was "no expert on military matters."

"No expert on Iraq"? "No expert on military matters"?

Um, dude, you're the secretary of defense.

Ladies and gentlemen, from the admninistration that gave us Michael Brown, our new secretary of defense!

What could possibly go wrong?

Feb. 7, 2003, former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, speaking about Iraq, said, "It is unknowable how long that conflict will last. It could last six days, six weeks. I doubt six months."

Thursday, new Defense Secretary Robert Gates told Congress: "I don't think anybody has a definite idea of how long a surge would last. I think for most of us in our minds we're thinking of it as a matter of months, not 18 months or two years."

God help us.

Jeff Bezos, billionaire founder of Amazon.com, is building a rocket ship.
Check it out here.
Make sure to watch the video of the spaceship taking off and landing.
It's good to know that all that money I've spent on Amazon over the years is being put to good use.

One of the great musicians many of you've never heard of has died. Sneaky Pete Kleinow was an extraordinary and innovative pedal steel player. One of the founding members of the legendary Flying Burrito Brothers band, he went on to record with a who's who of popular music, from Frank Zappa to John Lennon to Joni Mitchell to Jackson Browne to the Stones to, well, just about everybody.
His "day" job was as an animator and special effects guy for the movies. One of his claims to fame: He animated the original Gumby TV show. He also worked on "The Empire Strikes Back," both "Terminator" films and too many movies and TV shows to list.
He was 72.

Stumbled upon this Web site. It includes all sorts of interesting stuff, like how to start a fire with a Coke can and a chocolate bar, light a barbecue will liquid oxygen, make a cake that looks like the human thoraxic cavity and build a margarita mixer using a Gatorade bucket and a garbage disposal.
For entertainment purposes only. Don't try this at home.

The Eagles prevail. Westbrook had a great game. Garcia did what it took to get the win. David Akers is a money kicker.
New Orleans is next.
It's going to be tough going into New Orleans and playing what some believe is the best team in the NFC. And personally, as an Eagles fan, there would be no shame in losing to the new version of America's Team. But also, as an Eagles fan, I reserve the right to complain afterwards.

News comes from ABC that charges against Saddam Hussein for murdering thousands of Kurds have been dropped, mostly because he's been dropped, in a manner of speaking, from the gallows.
Some guys will do anything to get out of a court date.

OK, so the Congress passes a law that says, specifically, that the federal government cannot open your mail without first gaining court approval.
President Dubya signs it.
And then, President Dubya issues a "signing statement" that claims he reserves the right to open mail.
Let's see, not only does he violate the Constitution's notion of separation of powers, he also violates, oh, several amendments and the basic rights this nation was founded upon.
Dubya is saying he can read your mail.
Where's it end?
All I want to say is, he who opens the Comcast bill pays the Comcast bill.

The Democrats took control of Congress Thursday.
Are we all still alive?

Catching up, I'd be remiss if I didn't take this opportunity to pay my respects to the Godfather of Soul, the Hardest Working Man in Show Business, Mr. James Brown.
Sure, he had his problems with the law and all, but he was a giant, a true American icon. The man invented funk and ranks among the great innovators in American music.
R.I.P., Brother James, R.I.P.

NFC East champs, baby.
What a weird season.
And watching Penn State Monday, you know, Tony Hunt would look good in an Eagle uniform. Just saying...

Now, that was a football game. Tony Hunt is a monster football player. The defense kicked butt. Even Morelli looked decent.
And speaking of New Year's Day football, I spent the day on the couch watching a bunch of games. Went to bed after Oklahoma took the lead on Boise State with a minute to go. I missed the best ending of a football game, ever.
If you have a chance to track down the highlights, do so. Simply amazing.