March 2007 Archives

The Associated Press reports:

"SAN DIEGO - Two executives at a company that once helped build a fence to keep illegal immigrants from crossing the Mexican border were sentenced Wednesday to six months of home confinement for hiring undocumented workers.

"Mel Kay, founder, chairman and president of Golden State Fence Co., and manager Michael McLaughlin had pleaded guilty in federal court to knowingly hiring illegal aliens. U.S. District Judge Barry Ted Moskowitz ordered each to serve 1,040 hours of community service and spend three years on probation."

Yet another instance of life imitating a David Letterman joke.

The Washington Post reported that if former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson, best known as District Attorney Arthur Branch on "Law & Order," jumps into the race for the GOP nomination for president, television stations will have to drop re-runs of the show.

Under federal law, television stations airing episodes of the show starring Thompson would have to offer equal airtime to other candidates.

Actually, should this happen, there is a way to save re-runs of "Law & Order."

Imagine Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama in a remake of "The Odd Couple." Or Rudy Giuliani, John McCain and Mitt Romney in "Two and a Half Men: The Next Generation." Or John Edwards and Duncan Hunter on "Dancin' With The Stars."

Hollywood, big-shots, have your girl call my girl! Let's do lunch!

Our former U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum has announced that he plans to go into the documentary film business, hoping to become the Michael Moore of the far right.

Sounds good.

First thing he needs to do is gain about 75 pounds.

Nestled in the report about lavish spending by attendees of retreats held by the Pennsylvania Higher Education Assistance Agency was something called a "golfer's glow," which cost $103.

What, exactly, is a "golfer's glow"?

Fortunately, it isn't what it sounds like.

According to Golf Digest magazine, "the golfer's glow at The Homestead in Hot Springs, Va., is a 30-minute exfoliating salt scrub."

OK, now we just have to figure out what an "exfoliating salt scrub" is.

News item: White House press secretary Tony Snow told reporters that President Bush called Attorney General Alberto Gonzales around 7:15 a.m. Tuesday "to reaffirm his strong backing and support of the attorney general."

You're doing a heck of a job, Gonzo!

He's toast.

Next step, the Presidential Medal of Freedom for Gonzo.

Let's see, after the attacks of Sept. 11, the Bush administration, kicking and screaming all the way, appointed a blue-ribbon commission to study what happened. When the commission released its report, the administration ignored it.

After the debacle in Iraq became, well, a debacle, the administration appointed a blue-ribbon commission to study the war and recommend how we could extricate ourselves from that debacle. The administration ignored it.

And after it was revealed that wounded and disabled veterans of the Iraq war were subjected to sub-standard care and neglect, the administration appointed a blue-ribbon commission.

Good luck, vets!

Two different news items:

The FBI violates the Patriot Act, which is odd, considering that the law lets the FBI do just about anything it wants, and the director of the FBI holds a press conference to say he is responsible.

Then, amid news that the Bush Administration fired U.S. Attorneys who were found to be performing poorly because they either prosecuted Republican politicians or didn't go after Democrats, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales holds a press conference Tuesday where he says, "I am responsible."

In neither case did either man utter the words, I hereby resign.

This administration has finally learned that it say it takes responsibility for its various screwups and power grabs and just plain blunders and nobody will be held responsible.

Welcome to the new age of responsibility, where accepting responsibility never means anything.

Switzerland invaded Liechtenstein.

By accident.

My favorite part of the story is nobody noticed.

From the Associated Press:

ZURICH, Switzerland -- What began as a routine training exercise almost ended in an embarrassing diplomatic incident after a company of Swiss soldiers got lost at night and marched into neighboring Liechtenstein.

According to Swiss daily Blick, the 170 infantry soldiers wandered 2 kilometers (1.2 miles) across an unmarked border into the tiny principality early Thursday before realizing their mistake and turning back.

A spokesman for the Swiss army confirmed the story but said that there were unlikely to be any serious repercussions for the mistaken invasion.

''We've spoken to the authorities in Liechtenstein and it's not a problem,'' Daniel Reist told The Associated Press.

Officials in Liechtenstein also played down the incident.

Interior ministry spokesman Markus Amman said nobody in Liechtenstein had even noticed the soldiers, who were carrying assault rifles but no ammunition. ''It's not like they stormed over here with attack helicopters or something,'' he said.

The opening sentence of a story from the Lodi, Calif., News-Sentinal:

A jazz musician was injured Friday after jumping from a burning motor home driven by a one-time roller skating stripper from Lodi.

I smell Pulitzer!

Remember last month when the city of Boston was pretty much shut down because some Cartoon Network people put Lite Birghts up around the city?

Well, they're at it again. The city, not the Cartoon Network.

According to news reports, the police in Boston closed a road in the financal district after receiving a report of a suspicious device by the road. The bomb squad responded and blew it up.

It turned out to be a traffic counter placed by the road by the Massachusetts Department of Transportation.

Boston: Safe from traffic counters since Thursday!

Read about this court case in which a police chief and a police dog received a degree from the same on-line college.
Sad thing is, the dog had a better GPA.

I just heard that Robert Adler, the man who invented the television remote control, has died. He was 93.

Adler was a prolific inventor, holding more than 180 patents. But his greatest achievment, one that has changed our lives, is the TV remote control.

The days where you had to get up out of your chair to change channels -- like an animal -- are long gone. Today, you can annoy the bejesus out of your wife by watching three different programs at the same time.

The man was a genius, and had he not died, I'm sure my wife would have killed him.