May 2008 Archives

Turn that frown upside down with GOPEXOR!

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NEWS ITEM: House Republicans, stinging from losses in previously safe seats in Louisiana and Mississippi, introduced a new campaign slogan: The Change You Deserve. The Republicans thought they would cash in on the change agenda that's been so successful for Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. Instead, they found themselves embarrassed when it turned out that "The Change You Deserve" is the copyrighted slogan for Effexor, an anti-depressant.

Click below to read the text of the mock pharmaceutical ad in my Sunday column. Click on the audio player above to hear a radio ad for GOPEXOR, a sure-fire cure for electile dysfunction.

Our only president went before the Knesset the other day and talked about appeasement, equating those who would try to talk to our enemies with the people who tried to deal with Adolph Hitler and the Nazis before World War II.

Finally, the president is talking about something he knows about. Check out this story from Fox News, of all places:

"WASHINGTON -- President Bush's grandfather was a director of a bank seized by the federal government because of its ties to a German industrialist who helped bankroll Adolf Hitler's rise to power, government documents show.

"Prescott Bush was one of seven directors of Union Banking Corp. (search), a New York investment bank owned by a bank controlled by the Thyssen family, according to recently declassified National Archives documents reviewed by The Associated Press.

"Fritz Thyssen was an early financial supporter of Hitler, whose Nazi party Thyssen believed was preferable to communism.

"Both Harrimans and Bush were partners in the New York investment firm of Brown Brothers, Harriman and Co., which handled the financial transactions of the bank as well as other financial dealings with several other companies linked to Bank voor Handel that were confiscated by the U.S. government during World War II.

"Union Banking was seized by the government in October 1942 under the Trading with the Enemy Act."

And then there's this news, reported by the Guardian in England:

"The two Holocaust survivors suing the US government and the Bush family for a total of $40bn in compensation claim both materially benefited from Auschwitz slave labour during the second world war, Kurt Julius Goldstein, 87, and Peter Gingold, 85, began a class action in America in 2001, but the case was thrown out by Judge Rosemary Collier on the grounds that the government cannot be held liable under the principle of "state sovereignty."

Appeasement?

More like treason.

Our own U.S. Rep. Todd Platts voted Wednesday against motherhood.

Really.

Sort of.

Here's what happened: The House of Representatives voted on a resolution honoring Mother's Day, one of those waste-of-time, nonsense things our Congress is so good at. After the resolution passed unanimously, the Washington Post reported Rep. Todd Tiahrt, R-Kan., asked for a vote to reconsider the vote.

When that vote occurred, 178 Republicans, including Platts, voted against the resolution that celebrated "the role of mothers in the United States and (supported) the goals and ideals of Mother's Day."

It's part of the political game, a game that we all thought Platts abhorred. Guess not.

Anyway, I just hope Todd's mom, Babs, doesn't find out about this.

And it does make you wonder what Platts' stand is on apple pie, baseball and kittens.

Watch this interview with the guy who sets gas prices in York County, speaking from his secret, undisclosed location in Manchester Township.

The What Have We Learned team skipped the podcast this week. It was a scheduling thing, OK?

That's our story and we're sticking to it. It had nothing to do with that incident involving Tom and the fairies. Seriously, it didn't.

Anyway, here are this week's jokes, featuring a cast of characters including Mariah Carey, Vince Fumo and a convenience store nacho machine :

Among Time magazine’s list of the world’s 100 most influential people was, among others, Mariah Carey, whose new album, titled “E=MC(squared),” includes the hit single “Touch My Body.”
What have we learned?
Guess you don’t have to be Norman Einstein to make this list. 
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State Sen. Vince Fumo, D-Philadelphia, began a speech expressing his opposition to an amendment to the state constitution that would ban gay marriage by saying, “Today, we are all homosexuals.”
What have we learned?
We’ve seen the state legislature up close, and we always thought gay men had better taste in clothes. 
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Marines stationed in Afghanistan are leaving fields of opium poppies untouched, because local villagers say the heroin-producing plants are their only source of income.
What have we learned?
We don’t know if American-style democracy will take hold there, but it sounds like they’ve already got a handle on the free enterprise part. 
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Goodwill Keystone Area offered free shredding of confidential documents at the York Expo Center.
What have we learned?
The event proved so popular that even U.S. Special Counsel Scott Bloch reportedly dropped off a carload of stuff. 
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The state Senate indefinitely tabled a measure amending Pennsylvania’s Constitution to ban same-sex marriage and civil unions, citing anticipated opposition in the Democrat-dominated House.
What have we learned?
In the meantime, state senators intend to court the state’s reactionary wingnuts with proposed interment camps for non-English speakers. 
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Wrightsville Borough Councilman Larry Kirkessner Jr. was cited for disorderly conduct and public drunkenness after a dispute over a nacho machine at a local convenience store.
What have we learned?
Kirkessner said he had been drinking, but was not drunk at the time — which, when you think about the circumstances, really doesn’t make it much better. 
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A Kansas woman visiting Hollywood Casino told security she lost $70 after it fell out of her bra, where she was storing it for safekeeping.
What have we learned?
The woman’s life savings, which she kept rolled in a T-shirt like a pack of cigarettes, were still accounted for. 
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It's the Indian Baby Drop.

It's weird and disturbing and kind of funny in a twisted way.

It's a 500-year-old ritual. The people who toss the babies off the tower believe it makes them stronger and brings them luck in life.

All righty then!

Much has been made of Barack Obama, a man raised by his grandparents and a single mother, being an elitist. It's a ridiculous issue, even by the ridiculous standards set by this campaign.

But check out this exchange between Bill O'Reilly and Hillary Clinton.

O’Reilly said, "I'm not middle class, I'm a rich guy.”

Clinton responded, “Rich people, God bless us. We deserve all the opportunities to make sure our country and our blessings continue until the next generation.”

Yes, God bless the rich. They carry such a heavy burden.

My Friday column is a follow-up to the Intown Motors story.

It seems that, at one time or another, Intown Motors has towed away just about every car in York County. The other night, at the town meeting I attended with WGAL's Janelle Stelson, among others, it seems everybody in the audience had a story about Intown Motors. (And again, thanks to all of you who came out the other night.)

So post your Intown Motors stories here.

Here is the crazy minister who supports John McCain, pontificating about Catholicism and Hitler and other fun stuff.

Enjoy

Here, he advocates attacking Iran.

Here he is saying that Katrina was God's wrath on New Orleans and gays.

Here's Keith Olbermann reporting on John Hagee's endorsement of John McCain.

Remember this?

How's that working out?

As a bonus, here's John McCain on the topic. As you can see, he's been wrong about, well, everything, and then later denies that he was wrong. And he has a crazy preacher supporting him.