Feeling depressed?
Turn that frown upside down with GOPEXOR!
NEWS ITEM: House Republicans, stinging from losses in previously safe seats in Louisiana and Mississippi, introduced a new campaign slogan: The Change You Deserve. The Republicans thought they would cash in on the change agenda that's been so successful for Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. Instead, they found themselves embarrassed when it turned out that "The Change You Deserve" is the copyrighted slogan for Effexor, an anti-depressant.
Click below to read the text of the mock pharmaceutical ad in my Sunday column. Click on the audio player above to hear a radio ad for GOPEXOR, a sure-fire cure for electile dysfunction.
Suffering through losses at the ballot box?
Anxious about an uncertain future?
Worried that your campaign contributors will abandon you?
Losing sleep thinking that people are onto your con game?
GOPEXOR might be for you!
You can feel normal again!
GOPEXOR is not for everybody. Do you long for a simpler time, say 1952, when women, blacks and gays knew their place and weren't all over the TV trying to tell you what to do? Or even better, do you long for the 16th century, when life in America was unburdened by things like government? Do you yearn for a time when science and technology didn't try to solve life's problems and we all died from cholera, consumption and the common cold?
Then, GOPEXOR is your answer.
If youre worried that the Iraq war might end some day, costing private contractors such as Blackwater and Halliburton millions of dollars, or if you're concerned that rich people just don't get enough tax breaks, or if you're concerned that the next president may turn out to be competent and reverse the policies of President Dubya, GOPEXOR may work for you.
So ask your doctor about GOPEXOR today!
GOPEXOR The Change You Deserve!
Possible side effects may include nausea, loss of appetite, intolerance, an uncontrollable desire to attack Iran, an appreciation for the comedic stylings of Dennis Miller, Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly, sexual dysfunction and the sudden urge to try to pick up undercover police officers in airport men's rooms, intellectual paralysis, an aversion to ethnic foods, nostalgia for a time that never existed, seizures when exposed to pictures of Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama, an ability to ignore your own hypocrisy, an irresistible urge to cut taxes for rich people, unexplainable empathy for health insurance companies, sleepiness and irrational and delusional belief that George W. Bush is a great president. GOPEXOR may cause extreme paranoia in some users, prompting them to rationalize using torture, intercepting telephone calls and e-mail or suspending the Constitution to wage an imaginary war against a nebulous enemy. Do not use GOPEXOR if you plan to operate heavy machinery. GOPEXOR should not be used by pregnant women, children or people who think the country is headed in the wrong direction. GOPEXOR may also cause some users to continually spout meaningless slogans instead of solving seemingly insurmountable problems.
Warner Todd Huston · May 25, 2008 8:12 PM
Boy do your "actors" stink. I hope they don't give up their day job.
Now, I'm waiting for your "Demorex" ad where the Deummicrats long for the days of Japanese internment, Slavery and Jim crow laws. At least THAT would be TRUE to the past of that party!
I won't hold my breath, though. People like you don't care much about truth when there is socialist propaganda to be made. Stalin would be proud of you.
Mike · May 25, 2008 9:01 PM
Racism, sexism and anti-semitism, all happening in the Democrat primary. Must really be tough on an old lib like you, huh Mikey? No wonder you seek solace in the "good old days" when you were free to tar Republicans with that brush.
In the words of Barry's spiritual advisor: YOUR CHICKENS HAVE COME HOME TO ROOST.
p0s3r · May 25, 2008 9:06 PM
According to the Obamabots, half the Democratic party is filled with racists. According to Camp Clinton, the other half is filled with bigotted sexists.
Yet you have the nerve to banner this ridiculous and offensive "ad".
Warner Todd Huston · May 25, 2008 9:13 PM
A freind left this on my site and I thought I'd share it with you half-wits on the Mikey site...
My memory isn't what is used to be but...
For all of 1952 wasn't there a DEMOCRAT in the White House?
And didn't the DEMOCRATS have a substantial majority in the House?
And wasn't it a 48/48 tie in the Senate with the DEMOCRAT Vice President casting the deciding vote?
So it would appear that in 1952 thanks to DEMOCRATS blacks, gays and women were sure KEPT in their place.
Jack Bauer · May 25, 2008 9:13 PM
My memory isn't what is used to be but...
For all of 1952 wasn't there a DEMOCRAT in the White House?
And didn't the DEMOCRATS have a substantial majority in the House?
And wasn't it a 48/48 tie in the Senate with the DEMOCRAT Vice President casting the deciding vote?
So it would appear that in 1952 thanks to DEMOCRATS, blacks, gays and women were sure KEPT in their place.
tim · May 25, 2008 10:20 PM
Mikey, if NewsBusters didn't put your assinine blog on their site, you wouldn't have anybody looking. Typical lying liberal ass.
Joey · May 25, 2008 10:30 PM
No wonder York, Pa. is becoming more and more of a has-been-city with ads like this.
Joanne · May 25, 2008 11:56 PM
The Daily Record has printed your garbage for far too long. I'll be sure to site you as the reason for canceling.
Reasonsjester · May 26, 2008 2:28 AM
It is "highly" amusing that the "conservatives" you are lambasting are only as nefarious as wanting individual rights and the opportunity to work and raise their family in peace. It is really a parody of reality to suggest that conservatives are racists, sexists, desire killing for its own sake, or do not have a conscience. The "conscience" the ad alleges conservatives lack, is only the conscience of desiring to make the world a better place through action, not bumper stickers and lame ads.
Zoot · May 26, 2008 2:34 AM
Democrats opposed the Abolitionist
Democrats supported slavery and fought and gave their lives to expand it
Democrats supported and passed the Fugitive Slave Laws of 1793 & 1854
Democrats supported and passed the Missouri Compromise to protect slavery
Democrats supported and passed the Kansas Nebraska Act to expand slavery
Democrats supported and backed the Dred Scott Decision
Democrats supported and passed Jim Crow Laws
Democrats supported and passed Black Codes
Democrats opposed educating blacks and murdered our teachers
Democrats opposed the Reconstruction Act of 1867
Democrats opposed the Freedmans Bureau as it pertained to blacks
Democrats opposed the Emancipation Proclamation
Democrats opposed the 13th , 14th, and 15th Amendments to end slavery, make black citizens and give blacks the right to vote
Democrats opposed the Civil Rights Act of 1866
Democrats opposed the Civil Right Act of 1875 and had it overturned by U.S. Supreme Court
Various Democrats opposed the 1957 Civil Rights Acts
Various Democrats argued against the passage of the 1964 Civil Rights Acts
Various Democrats argued against the passage of the 1965 Voting Rights Acts
Various Democrats voted against the 1972 Equal Employment Opportunity Act
Democrats supported and backed Judge John Ferguson in the case of Plessy v Ferguson
Democrats supported the School Board of Topeka Kansas in the case of Brown v The Board of Education of Topeka Kansas.
Southern Democrats opposed desegregation and integration.
I can see what "better place" the Dims had in mind.
Joe Sheeple · May 26, 2008 7:29 AM
Democrat's AND Republican's... Divided and conquered. Helping the predatory team of corrupt, lying politicians and corrupt lying BIG business prey on the simple minded and endlessly ignorant.
I'm a Democrat ! I'm a Republican ! Did we ask you for proof that you are willfully ignorant ? Thanks for helping "them" to continue preying on the already befuddled middle class. We have three to pick from, voting for any of these lying traitor's is voting for an evil predator. Are you EVER going to wake up ? Just wondering.
Bill · May 26, 2008 9:48 AM
You might have a brain disease.
Joe · May 26, 2008 10:16 AM
Profiling again? Gee, who's leaning on gross stereotypes now?
I'm a very conservative Republican, (Christian gun-lover too) who happens to operate the US non-profit for my daughter's African home for orphans with AIDS.
I know this doesn't fit very well into your construct because this work is mostly supported by conservatives not using tax dollars. And my daughter is pretty conservative too...product of the environment, I guess. So here is this lovely young lady (23) from an upper middle class home in Wyoming who feels led to help the "lepers" of our time in Uganda.
I guess that compassionate conservatism stuff is just a myth. You might start looking at Republicans as people instead of sterotypes.
You can visit this home and see incredible stories of rescue and healing at www.africaourownhome.org
Warner Todd Huston · May 26, 2008 11:34 AM
Now, aren't ya glad I found your sad little attempt at humor?
I know I am.
Have some Demorex. Let your cares melt away.
Jay · May 26, 2008 11:55 AM
I am a native Yorker and I find this extremely offensive. Your "ad" speaks volumes about your ignorance (and the Record's). What a wonderful sentiment for Memorial Day. You should be ashamed of yourself.
George · May 26, 2008 12:46 PM
I don't know what is funnier your ad or the hateful reactions from people who may indeed feel guilty about how great things are for them at the expense of others in our society? Very funny, keep up the good work!
Don Stone · May 26, 2008 12:51 PM
Since you have done a great job of sterotyping Republicans and Conservatives, allow me to do the same for Democrats and liberals: A liberal is a person who knows the rest of us pathetic people are too stupid to know what is best for us and we need a big, smart government to take all of our money, spend it for us and tell us how we should live our lives. As President Clinton once said: "I'd like to reduce your taxes but you would spend that money wrong." Or as Senator Obama said recently, we must reduce our standard of living so that other people around the world won't be mad at us.
Do you have any readers other than upset people that saw your posting on NewsBusters?
Bob Freeman · May 26, 2008 1:05 PM
What a perfect example of liberal tolerance.
monique · May 26, 2008 2:41 PM
That sounds just like Liberals reflecting big time and having an open mike nearby. I love when libs try to point the finger and it comes back to bite them in the ass just to show what nasty people they have become.
The party of racist seems to be the Dems more and more each day.
Kathy · May 26, 2008 6:23 PM
Mike.
Congratulations! You nailed it. Repukes just can't stand being exposed for the selfish, brainless pigs there are. The proof is right here in black and white. Right on!
Pooleside · May 26, 2008 8:39 PM
Jeeze! One of the things you forgot to mention about GOPexor is that it kills the sense of humor!
This is really very funny Mike, and I can't believe these folks just can't see the humor in it.
You're up there with the greats in my book, Mike. Mann Coulter has nothing on you!
Jew001 · May 27, 2008 7:42 AM
Wow
Not Funny
Not Clever
Not Witty
Just kind of sucks loudly.
Won't be back.
Gangofone · May 30, 2008 2:16 PM
Yeeeah, the right wing loons that responded don't think it's funny. What a shock, given that the GOP has the market cornered in sense of humor.
Marybeth Seitz-Brown · July 3, 2008 9:13 PM
Mike, you are my hero! (Well, you and Michael Moore.) This was my favorite column piece EVER! I don't think people get that as a columnist, you have the freedom to state your opinion (just like that horrifyingly conservative Michelle Malkin does a few times a week) and to completely dominate. Ah well, they can state their opinions back as well, I guess. I'm writing a column for my high school newspaper this year...I'll definitely be influenced by your witty and unabashed writing style! Keep up the amazing work!