This report came to us here at the York Daily Record from state police:
"Pennsylvania State Police are informing York County residents of a possible scam involving people going door-to-door saying they are collecting money for a fundraiser.
"About 5 p.m. Thursday, two white males in their early 20s went to several houses on Longview Road in Loganville, asking for money "for an unknown fundraiser," police said.
The men asked residents to donate $49, with the promise of getting $34 back at a later date."
OK, you give the guys $49 with the promise of getting $34 back.
That's the best deal I've heard since that Nigerian oil minister promised me $25 million!
Turn that frown upside down with GOPEXOR!
NEWS ITEM: House Republicans, stinging from losses in previously safe seats in Louisiana and Mississippi, introduced a new campaign slogan: The Change You Deserve. The Republicans thought they would cash in on the change agenda that's been so successful for Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. Instead, they found themselves embarrassed when it turned out that "The Change You Deserve" is the copyrighted slogan for Effexor, an anti-depressant.
Click below to read the text of the mock pharmaceutical ad in my Sunday column. Click on the audio player above to hear a radio ad for GOPEXOR, a sure-fire cure for electile dysfunction.
It's the Indian Baby Drop.
It's weird and disturbing and kind of funny in a twisted way.
It's a 500-year-old ritual. The people who toss the babies off the tower believe it makes them stronger and brings them luck in life.
All righty then!
Last Sunday, I wrote about the necessity of eliminating Punxsutawney Phil -- with extreme
And the guy made me an honorary member of Punxsy Phil's Fan Club. (Shouldn't that be "Phan" club?)
Oh, well.
As Bill Murray once said, so I got that going for me.
Traffax reported this morning that Interstate 81 in Cumberland County was closed after a truck spilled hog lungs on the highway.
Hog lungs?
You don't want to know.
The good news, though, is, according to the Pennsylvania Code, "All cattle, calf, sheep and equine lungs intended for food purposes shall be inspected to determine whether foreign matter is present in the air passages. The main bronchi and branches shall be slit by employees of the establishment and, if ingesta or other objectionable foreign matter has entered these passages, the lungs shall be condemned."
That's certainly comforting.
The Pentagon announced that it will use a special missile to shoot down a 5,000-pound, bus-sized spy satellite that has careened out of orbit and will crash to earth in early March. The satellite contains about half-a-ton of very toxic fuel.
What could possibly go wrong?
Oh.
Never mind.
Here it is, from last year, one of my favorite YouTube videos of Santa Claus coming to town. Enjoy.
Now, I know this is politically incorrect, but it's pretty funny. I found it on the Telecaster discussion page, but I imagine it's been circulating for some time. I apologize ahead of time to anyone offended by it. But it is funny.
Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Queens Disoriented Are
Amnesia - I Don't Know if I'll Be Home for Christmas
Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Street and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and
Fire Hydrants
Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna
Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...
Agoraphobia - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day but Couldn't Leave My
House
Senile Dementia - Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in
My Slippers and Robe
Oppositional Defiance Disorder - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I
Burned Down the House
Social Anxiety Disorder - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While
I Sit Here and Hyperventilate
As you've probably heard, some security guards at the Peach Bottom Atomic Power Station were caught on video sleeping on the job.
Previously, you may recall, some control room operators at the nuclear power plant were found to be sleeping on the job, inspiration for Homer Simpson as he snoozes through his shift at the Springfield nuclear power plant.
OK, it's bad when people guarding and running a nuclear reactor are sleeping. But what is it with Peach Bottom that induces sleep? Do they put Ambien in the water?
If I were running the place, here's how I'd spin it: Peach Bottom is so well-run and efficient that its workers can sleep on the job and nothing bad happens.
At least not yet.
Comments (0)