Our Culture: July 2007 Archives

Word just arrived that the Weekly World News, the best supermarket tabloid in the history of mankind, will cease publication in August.

Where else are you going to get news like this? What other publication followed the exploits of Bat Boy? Or the space alien who endorsed George W. Bush? Or the story about a kid built from spare parts? Or Zambonis being used to save the polar ice caps?

The Weekly World News makes waiting in line at the Giant tolerable. It has great advice columns, where the advisors give only bad advice, and, of course, the stylized ravings of Ed Anger, who was sort of like your pissed-off, boozed-up uncle.

The world will be a sadder place without the Weekly World News.

You can't turn around without the TV news bloviating endlessly about the troubles of Lindsay Lohan. On Wednesday, the "Today" show had a panel of experts discussing whatever it was she is accused of doing. Every time you switched on CNN, her police mug shot dominated the screen. Experts on addiction and law and media were dragged before the cameras to spew opinions about a person they never met and only know from media reports of her escapades.

It makes me sad.

I have no idea who Lindsay Lohan is and I really don't care. What makes me sad is that she apparently is the new Paris Hilton, the latest poster child for our civilization circling the drain.

Meanwhile, while Lindsay Lohan was dominating the news, the Department of Defense announced the death of Marine Lance Cpl. Bobby Twitty, 20, of Bedias, Texas.

We know everything we ever thought we needed to know about Lindsay Lohan.

Lance Cpl. Twitty? Not so much.

Like I said before, it was a nice civilization while it lasted.

Last night, as WGAL's 6 p.m. news broadcast was coming to a close, anchor Ron Martin reported on a large explosion in New York, citing a witness who, I believe, is from Lancaster.

My God! We've been attacked again!

Certainly NBC's Brian Williams would be on top of it.

Halfway through the NBC Nightly News, though, Williams reported that the explosion was caused by a burst steam pipe in Manhattan.

Nothing to see here. Move along.

Thank God.

Watching the news the other night, I caught an ad for a prescription drug called Mirapex, used to treat restless leg syndrome.

At the end of the commercial, the announcer was rattling off the side effects -- the usual stuff about being drowsy and whatnot -- when she intoned that patients who experience "gambling, sexual or other intense urges" should report them to his or her doctor.

As Major Kong said in the classic satire "Dr. Strangelove," "A fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff."

The Union of Concerned Scientists released a report on global warming that warned that without significant reductions in carbon emissions, Pennsylvania's climate will soon resemble Alabama's.

Comparing Pennsylvania to Alabama?

We've heard that before.

The other morning, I was watching the "Today" show while attempting to regain consciousness by drinking coffee and there was Matt Lauer interviewing Miss New Jersey.

Miss New Jersey -- I didn't catch her name -- was talking about how people were blackmailing her, trying to get her to step down as Miss New Jersey, with photos that had appeared on her Facebook page.

Miss New Jersey said she was embarrassed by the photos -- nothing too graphic, just the kind of college student stuff you see on Facebook -- and that she never intended for them to be public.

Wait a minute.

She never intended the photos to be public, yet she posted them, herself, on the Internet.

OK.