Our Culture: October 2009 Archives

As you prepare to celebrate Halloween and gorge on Reese's Peanut Butter Cups until you enter a state of sugar-fueled euphoria, heed these words from Kimberly Daniels, posting on Pat Robertson's Web site.

"The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:

* Sex with demons
* Orgies between animals and humans
* Animal and human sacrifices
* Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
* Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
* Revel nights
* Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
* Release of 'time-released' curses against the innocent and the ignorant."

Man, we never get invited to the good Halloween parties.

She also writes, "For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches."

Even my Reese's Pieces? Does this mean Hershey Foods employs a squadron of witches to pray over candy bars?

As Frank Zappa said, the torture never stops.

Funny story out of Baltimore.

Off-duty cop encounters guy dressed up as Leatherface from "The Texas Chansaw Massacre" and pulls his gun on him.

The cop's in deep.

Who's going to keep us safe from Leatherface now? Huh? Huh?

Pro wrestling for Jesus.

You really can't make this up.

Read the story here.

A review of a new book about the language, "The Lexicographer's Dilemma," begins,

"'Passions run hot when the discussion turns to language,' writes Rutgers English professor Jack Lynch in his sprightly new history of the notion of 'proper' English, 'The Lexicographer's Dilemma.' 'Friends who can discuss politics, religion and sex with perfect civility are often reduced to red-faced rage when the topic of conversation is the serial comma or an expression like more unique.' Ain't it the truth?"

I love books like this.

And I can relate to the notion of heated argument about English.

Here is a video of Monty Python's John Cleese discussing one of my pet peeves regarding language:

Another good one from New York Times columnist and Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman.

Today he's writing about China's monetary policy. I know, monetary policy is the Ambien of political and economic issues. What it has to do with anything is puzzling to a lot of laymen.

But Krugman lays it out in a way that both makes it understandable and puts it into context of our current economic woes.

A couple of things: China's monetary policy played a role in the housing bubble and its collapse and it results in jobs flowing overseas.

Interesting stuff.

Read it here.

York County is the snack food capital of the world.

OK, maybe not the world, but at least in central Pennsylvania.

The big news was the acquisition of Utz by Snyder's of Hanover, forming a new snack food giant.

Utz, of course, is a well-established brand so it's not going to go away. (Do yourself a favor and get a bag of Utz crab chips sometime.)

But still, if they're rebranding the product line, here's a suggestion for a new name -- Synutz.

Great story today about everybody's favorite flim-flam artist Bernie Madoff.

If you've been wondering what happened to all of the money Madoff scammed from his "investors," wonder no more.

AFP reports:

"NEW YORK -- Convicted Wall Street swindler Bernard Madoff presided over an office fueled by sex and drugs, with late night "wild" parties that included topless entertainers, a lawsuit said.

"His 'affinity for escorts, masseuses, and attractive female employees was well known in the office culture,' said the suit filed late Tuesday.

So he blew most of the money of coke and hookers. The rest, I'm guessing, he just wasted.

So now, the authorities are thinking about charging the Balloon Boy's parents with, I don't know, criminal stupidity in the first degree.

The family's lawyer was on the morning news shows today, saying how the family didn't want this entire episode to become a spectacle.

Too late.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar appeared on Celebrity Jeopardy and there was a category right in his wheelhouse -- I Went To UCLA.

So he gets the question...well, let's go to the video.

Kareem. It was your line. Looks like he misunderstood the question.

Now, I have the greatest respect for Kareem. The list of the greatest centers to ever play the game begins and ends with Kareem, Bill Russell and Wilt. In my book, they are tied for No. 1. My father, though, always said Russell was the greatest, measuring his greatness by championships.

Anyway, here is the line from the movie "Airplane" that the basis for the question.

Best line in the movie.

Well, maybe second to "Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"

The nation was gripped by the runaway balloon Thursday. Falcon Heene, 6, was believed to have highjacked his dad's weather balloon and take it on a joy ride.

Turns out the kid was hiding in the attic the entire time.

The Denver Post reported:

"In a later interview on CNN, Falcon was asked again why he hid and didn't come out when he heard his family calling his name.

"'You had said that we did this for a show,' Falcon said.

"His father, Richard Heene, was asked to clarify the comment. He said he was 'appalled' at the question and its implication the ordeal was a hoax. He suggested Falcon's response might have stemmed from the family's appearance on the TV show 'Wife Swap.'"

This morning, on "Good Morning America," Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden said the cops have no reason to believe that the whole thing was a hoax. He said "seasoned investigators" spent a lot of time with the family and concluded that it was not a stunt intended to publicize the family's participation in a creepy reality show.

I watched the family being interviewed on "Good Morning America" this morning and I only needed about a minute to conclude that the guy was full of cattle excrement.

Anyway, the kid appeared uncomfortable during the interview and Diane Sawyer asked him if he was all right.

"I feel like I'm going to vomit," the kid said.

Join the club, kiddo.

Addendum: Later, the kid did throw up on the "Today" show. This kid's parents are idiots.

Jesus not only saves. He can bail you out of jail in Baltimore.

Wall Street rejoiced yesterday when the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed above 10,000 for the first time in a year.

Meanwhile, unemployment continued to be high and more and more people were facing a future of living in cardboard boxes under highway overpasses.

And then, this morning, the Wall Street Journal reported this:

"Major U.S. banks and securities firms are on pace to pay their employees about $140 billion this year -- a record high that shows compensation is rebounding despite regulatory scrutiny of Wall Street's pay culture.

"Workers at 23 top investment banks, hedge funds, asset managers and stock and commodities exchanges can expect to earn even more than they did the peak year of 2007, according to an analysis of securities filings for the first half of 2009 and revenue estimates through year-end by The Wall Street Journal."

This, at a time when wages for working people are sliding...

Same old story. The rich get richer.

I'm reminded of a "Simpsons" episode in which Arnold Schwarzenegger-like actor Ranier Wolfcastle is asked how he sleeps at night and he replies, "On a huge pile of money with many beautiful women."

That was rude of me. Too soon?

But as a huge fan of "The Godfather," news this morning of the passing of Al Martino at age 82 was indeed sad.

Martino played Johnny Fontane, a character loosely based on Frank Sinatra in Francis Ford Coppola's Mafia epic. His character sparks the sub-plot in which a movie producers winds up waking up with a horse's head in his bed, retribution for the producing failing to offer Fontane a part in his new picture.

Ironically, the New York Times reported, "Mr. Martino told The Times in a 2009 interview that 'when Coppola was hired to direct, he fired me.'"

"'I was already cast for the part of the wedding singer by the original producer, Al Ruddy,' he said. 'But I needed to show Hollywood they couldn't push me around. I fought fire with fire. Sinatra was infuriated by the story line of The Godfather, he wanted to stop production on the film, and I knew that if I took the part Sinatra would bar me from Vegas and Coppola would ostracize me, but I had some people that helped me.'"

"Some people who helped me"?

I'm wondering whether Francis Ford Coppola ever woke with a horse's head in his bed.

Here's your chance to remove some of the liberal bias from the Bible.

See what you can to do to make this passage of Mark conform with conservative orthodoxy:

"And Jesus looked round about, and saith unto his disciples, How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God! Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, 'How unlikely it is that those who worship riches will enter the kingdom of God!'

"And the disciples were astonished at his words. But Jesus answereth again, and saith unto them, 'Children, how hard is it for them that trust in riches to enter into the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.'"

Here is how Conservapedia did it:

"Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, 'How unlikely it is that those who worship riches will enter the kingdom of God!' The disciples were astonished to hear this.

"But Jesus said again, 'Children, how hard it is for those who trust in riches to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a man who cares only for money to enter into the kingdom of God.'"

So, according to Conservapedia, rich people care only for money.

Really?

Take you own shot at editing the words of God in the comments.

You'll love this.

Slate magazine's Dan Brown plot generator.

All you do is pick a city and an organization that can have conspiratorial overtones and voila, you have the plot of the novel of America's best-selling hack.

By selecting Philadelphia and the Boy Scouts of America, I came up with "The Devine Cipher."

"When celebrated Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned to Pat's Steaks to analyze a mysterious geometric form--imprinted on a gold ring lying next to the mangled body of the head docent--he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Auxonistas, a secret branch of the Boy Scouts of America that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the Vatican.

"Langdon's worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Auxonistas appears at Citizen's Bank Park to deliver a fateful ultimatum: Turn over the archbishop, or one cherub will disappear from the Sistine Chapel every day. With only three days to foil their plot, Langdon joins forces with the lithe and brilliant daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult's secret plan.

"Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdon and his companion follow a 1100-year-old trail through Philadelphia's most venerable churches and historic libraries, pursued by a peg-legged assassin the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to Davy Crockett and the very founding of the Boy Scouts of America."

It's fun. It's easy. Just go here to check it out and waste significantly less time than it would take to slog through Brown's latest work.

Meleanie Hain, the 31-year-old Lebanon woman who went to court for the right to carry a pistol at her kid''s soccer games, was killed Wednesday night in an apparent murder-suicide.

The Lebanon Daily News reports that her husband, Scott, apparently shot and killed her before taking his own life.

A lot of people are making political hay with this story, and making snide comments on Internet discussion boards.

It is a tragedy. Three kids are left orphaned and a family is destroyed. Obviously, these people had some problems and once you mix in firearms, bad things happen.

Sad.

The day when you'll be reading the newspaper on electronic device, that is.

Amazon.com has dropped the price of the Kindle reader to $249. A similar Sony product is selling for $199. The prices are coming down fast. And some day, the experts say, these devices will replace paper.

I don't know if I'm ready for that. I like reading the paper. And I like books. I like how they feel and paging through them and skipping ahead. My wife has a test for new books that she tries out at the bookstore. She opens a book to a random page and reads and if it's interesting, she knows the book will be good. Hasn't failed her yet. (Except once and we've agreed not to talk about that.)

But that's the way it's going.

Read the New York Times story about the Kindle here.

This story by the esteemed financial columnist Daniel Gross outlines increased fees banks are charging for routine services such as overdrafts and using ATMs.

The fees, according to Gross, have increased dramatically as banks try to find ways to make more and more money. The banks win. Consumers lose.

Here is yet another case where an industry is asking the government to step in and regulate this stuff. Of course, with the political clout banks wield, I wouldn't hold you breath.

Top story of the day: An Alabama woman was arrested after police found her daughter riding in a cardboard box on top of her van.

But she told police, according to the Associated Press, that she secured the box with coat hangers.

Well, then, that's OK.

Read the whole story here.

Just one comment: Alabama. Figures.

I'm not sure that's what they meant.

This week, Bank of America CEO Kenneth Lewis announced he would step down at the end of the year.

Ity was merely coincidence that Lewis and Bank of America are being investigated for various things regarding its acquisition of Merrill Lynch. The bank had to be bailed out to the tune of $45 billion.

Lewis will walk away from Bank of American with $125 million.

The lesson, as always, is if you're going to steal, steal big.

Courtesy of the Lancaster Intelligencer Journal:

"Lancaster City police are investigating a burglary Monday during which 121 pairs of sneakers, valued at a whopping $15,125, were stolen from a city home.

"Descriptions of two suspects were given. One has a light complexion, shoulder-length brown hair and numerous tattoos on the biceps and forearms. The police report did not say if this suspect was a man or woman. The other suspect is a Hispanic man, age 18 to 25, with a medium build and no facial hair.

"Both might be wearing sneakers."

You think so?

The most amazing part of this is someone had 121 pairs of sneakers. Who is this person, Turtle from "Entourage"?

And the last line, you think so?