Is guilt hereditary?
At the age of 4, Sam has mastered the art of the guilt trip.
As I tried to leave for work Tuesday, my first day back, Sam clutched my leg and begged, "Please, Mommy, don't go to work! Please, PLEASE don't go to work!"
The only way I could get her to stop? By threatening to put her in the time-out chair. How's that for horrendous?
Wednesday, when I went to leave, she was much better. She was watching "The Land Before Time" and having a snack when I kissed her and said goodbye. "Mommy?" she asked. "Will you call me when you get to work?" I promised I would.
As I drove away, she appeared in the window, waving frantically at me.
When I called her later, she admonished me for almost five minutes straight. "You didn't say 'I love you' to me," she said in an accusing tone. "I was waving and waving and waving at you, but you didn't stop and say 'I love you' back to me. Why didn't you stop? Why didn't you want to say 'I love you' to me?"
My heart actually hurt. Does she really think I didn't want to tell her I love her? Though she's completely wrong about that -- and, for the record, I told her twice before I left the house that I love her, but I guess her selective hearing was in "off" mode once again -- if she believes that, won't that screw her up for life?
Here's another example: A few weeks ago, Sam was on all fours on the kitchen floor, pretending she was some sort of creature while she played with some stuffed animals. She started getting really loud, so I shushed her and reminded her that the baby was sleeping upstairs.
In slow motion, Sam shrugged her shoulders and sighed. "I understand," she drawled. "No one likes me." Then she dramatically picked up Baby Lion in her mouth like a lioness picks up her cub and crawled away. I just stared after her, dumbfounded.
You know who's great at guilt trips? My grandmother, who's 94. She's a master. A guru. The queen. I saw and heard her guilt trip my mom so many times that I swore I would never do that to my kids. And I've tried very, very hard not to.
So where did Sam pick up this fabulous talent then? It's gotta be in the genes.
It reminds me of one of my mom's many off-beat sayings: "Insanity's hereditary. You get it from your kids."
Do you have a kid who's a master guilt-tripper? How do you handle it?
Beth · February 22, 2008 8:05 AM
I think 4 year olds are taught how to administer guilt in preschool. How else can I explain Emma's recent comment: "Someday I'm going to have 20 babies, and I'm going to stay home with them ALL DAY." (And yet when I pick her up from day care, she says, "I'm not done playing yet. Can you come back in a minute?")
Janet · February 22, 2008 7:23 PM
Awww, Amy! They are little con-artists. Every day I drop off Syd at daycare. Every day she freaks out when I try to leave. Every day I sneak a peek through the window. Every day she is happily smiling and laughing with the daycare provider immediately after the aforementioned freak out. I think they pick up on the guilt we feel. ;-)