Remember that feeling?
Sam, Noah and I were in the car the other day heading to my sister-in-law's when Sam suddenly said, "Mom, I wish I could be all growed up."
God, do I remember that feeling when I was a kid. I was pretty young when my sister and older brother moved out of the house, but I do vaguely remember them being high-school age, worrying about pimples and groaning about how much homework they had.
It seemed so cool. I swore I'd never grumble about pimples (which I did) or complain about how much homework I had (sometimes I was stressed about it, but I was one of those sick kids who always kinda liked homework).
So this was a feeling from my daughter I could completely empathize with.
"I know, honey," I said to her. "Someday, you will be."
Sam: "But it's taking so long! Why is it taking such a long time?"
I chuckled, then immediately felt bad for laughing because I knew how serious she was.
Me: "It will take a very, very, very long time for you to be grown up."
And then I said the thing I used to hate hearing when I was her age.
Me: "Besides, you know what? Being a grown-up isn't always fun. Sometimes, I'd like to be a kid again and get to play a lot."
Man, I used to hate it when people would say that to me. How could being a grown-up not be fun? You got to do cool things like wear make-up and earrings, you could stay up late watching TV, you got to drive, and -- well, by then you'd know everything, so there would be nobody telling you what to do or why you did something wrong.
I knew there were some parts that sucked: putting the groceries away (instead of getting to grab the cookies you just bought, plopping in the living room and chowing down), cleaning the bathroom (I still hate that job), mowing the lawn (to this day, I have never done that chore, but let's not mention that to my husband ...).
I've gotta say, my adult life's not exactly like what I was expecting when I was 4.
In some ways, of course, it's better. Although I always knew how much I love my mom, I couldn't fathom the feelings she had for me until I had my own babies. And though there are many days when I'd rather stay home than go to work, I do enjoy what I do and that I do it well.
But then there are the "responsibilities" -- I remember my mom using that word a lot when she talked about what it was like to be a grown-up -- that meant nothing to me until I had taken them on: Paying the mortgage, feeding the cat, taking good care of my kids and not screwing them up for life, remembering birthdays and anniversaries and holidays for more than 50 people spread across two families, keeping myself healthy both mentally and physically, etc., etc., etc.
And I wonder why I'm tired all the time.
What do you deal with as an adult that you never expected when you were a kid? How do you answer your kids when they talk about being impatient to grow up?
melissa · June 4, 2008 3:34 PM
OK, mom. I'm soliciting advice. I'm not a mom yet. I've got several girlfriends w/ babies/toddlers or who soon will have them. When one friend visited last year, she let me hold her bundle of joy for all of 3 minutes before snatching him back (this wasn't a newborn: he was a good 11 months). I've babysat before. I know how to hold a baby, but is there a statute of limitations on how long is too long to hold on? Do moms appreciate it when I take the kid off their hands so she can finish her lunch or have a break? Does she want me to offer to give him/her back, or wait until it cries or she must hold him/her again? Are there no-no's that I might be doing that I'm just not aware of? I'm visiting a friend in Minneapolis this weekend who has a 22-month-old and I'm already nervous.
bil · June 11, 2008 9:49 AM
"You got to do cool things like wear make-up and earrings..."
Smearing on makeup every day is fun? I'm with you on the grabbing cookies and the driving. But makeup? Better you than me.