Hello, anxiety
This morning, I took my kids to the home of a woman I've met exactly once before.
And I left them there.
Oh, my good lord, what have I done?
Finish reading 'Hello, anxiety' »This morning, I took my kids to the home of a woman I've met exactly once before.
And I left them there.
Oh, my good lord, what have I done?
Finish reading 'Hello, anxiety' »I've been trying to figure out what to do with the kids once Sam starts school.
As I've said, with my new new schedule, I'll be able to get Sam on the bus to go to morning kindergarten. But then I'll still have that baby -- a really, really cute baby, sure, but a baby Noah nonetheless -- who needs care. Right now, I drive both of them to my sister-in-law's house in Elizabethtown.
I'm pretty sure Sam's school district won't bus her all the way to Lancaster County.
So I decided to go check out the day care that's closest to our house.
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad, baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad idea.
Finish reading 'I was speechless' »Sam loves going to stay at my sister-in-law's every day now. And although she asks about her friends sometimes, she really doesn't mention day care much at all -- and she certainly doesn't miss it.
You'd think I'd be happy about this, right? Ecstatic that we've found a solution that, so far, seems to work well for everyone, especially for Sam.
So where's the guilt coming from? From the fact that I didn't do this earlier.
We knew Sam had been unhappy for weeks, if not months, at day care. She begged not to go when I dropped her off, and she told us often that she didn't want to go see her friends.
And I -- not listening to her because, well, she's only 3, for goodness' sake, she can't really know what she wants -- made her keep going. Made her go when she really didn't like it.
What have we learned here?
As a mother, it's possible to feel guilty about anything. And everything. There's no reprieve.
*Sigh*
Do you ever get this feeling? How do you deal with it?
We're taking Sammy out of day care.
She's been going to the same place since she was about 18 months old. And don't get me wrong, we really like this place. The people are great, her new teacher is really a teacher, so Sam's learning a lot. She talks about her friends -- Alyssa, Julian, Luddy, Nolan -- all the time.
But about three months ago, she started saying, "I don't wanna go see my friends." When I pull into the parking lot, more often than not she freaks out, crying and yelling that she doesn't want to go.
She might as well just rip my heart out. Talk about feeling guilty.
For a while, I thought it might be the teacher she had. Sam told me more than once that teacher was mean, and I even talked to the administrator about it.
For the last six weeks or so, she's been saying she's scared to go see her friends, and she throws full-on temper tantrums nearly every day when I leave -- something she hasn't done since she was about 2. I've talked with her teacher, who has repeatedly assured me she's fine about 10 minutes after I leave.
But here's the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back: They raised prices last week by 20 percent.
Yep. 20 percent. I was already paying these people a damn fine chunk of money to watch my child for five hours four days each week. But 20 PERCENT?
Add to that a heart-stopping, budget-breaking $2,400 car-repair bill, and we're saying sayonara to day care.
My sister-in-law Debbie, who is just about the sweetest and calmest person I know, is going to watch Sam now. Debbie has a daughter, Bethany, who is 9 weeks older than Sam, and she has just about the cutest little boy ever, Josiah, who is not quite 2.
I know they'll sing songs and play toys and learn letters and go for walks and pet the horses behind their house.
So why do I feel guilty for taking her out of day care? Am I going to ruin her in this crucial year before she starts school?
I feel like I'm really not winning here. Actually, the guilt has won. No matter what I do, it'll be there, hanging out, waiting to make me feel like an inadequate working mom.
What do you think? Did we make the right decision?
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