Mommy philosophy: February 2007 Archives

I was working out in the gym Monday when the conversation turned to hate. The women didn't realize it and, I'm sure, would argue that that isn't really what happened, but it is.

I go to a Curves, so it's basically me and women in their 60s and 70s (which is way better for my self-esteem than working out next to trim, fit 18-year-olds). Usually, we chat about housecleaning, holidays, Anna Nicole Smith and Britney Spears, kids, grandkids and husbands. Near the end of my session, however, one woman was talking about her recent trip to an area Wal-Mart.

"It just makes me uncomfortable," she said. "I heard people talking in so many different languages that I thought, 'Is this still America?'"

"Oh, I know," another woman chimed in sympathetically. "I just want to tell them, 'Talk English, for God's sake.'"

"And it makes me nervous, too, all those colored people in there," the first woman said. "It's like they all come in their gangs."

I'm not naive. I know hatred runs rampant throughout the world. I spend large parts of my working day reading stories about it: Palestinians and Israelis. Sunni and Shiite Muslims. Democrats and Republicans. Christians and pagans. Fred Phelps' Westboro Baptists and, well, the rest of humanity.

But how do I explain all this to Sam as she gets older? I'm teaching her that people are people. In fact, I specifically chose a day care that has a diverse mix of kids.

I'm just not sure which words to choose when this conversation suddenly springs up long before I ever expect it. Every term I think of -- intolerance, ignorance, fear -- brings connotations that I'm afraid will instill prejudice in her, which is the opposite of what I want to do.

How do you handle these conversations with your kids? Do you and your spouse talk about what you'll teach your kids?

After spending the last four days holding a 3-year-old body that feels like it's on fire, I found out that Sam has pneumonia.

She's been miserable, and I can't blame her. 101-103 fever. Thick nasty snot in her nose. Coughing 'til she chokes or, on one poorly timed occasion while sleeping in my bed, throws up. Green goop coming out her left eye.

Just looking at her during the times when her ibuprofen's worn off makes me feel miserable, too.

At least she can tell me what hurts. I hated it when she was a baby and got sick because it always felt like I was forced to play some twisted game: "Guess what's hurting your baby today! Is she teething? Does her tummy hurt? Could it be her ears?"

Then again, her verbal skills have also made me want to cry. Twice today, she apologized for being sick.

Sam: "I'm sorry I don't feel good, Mommy."

Me: "Aww, Sam, it's not your fault. I just wish you would feel better now."

Sam: "But you and Daddy aren't happy with me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get sick."

I'm not above using guilt trips when necessary (like when she's a teenager), but this is certainly something I don't want her to feel guilty about. Maybe if she had run directly into a steaming pile of pneumonia germs as I was yelling at her to stop, I might be able to cough up an "I told you not to do that," but I doubt it.

I just feel helpless.

I'm trying everything I can to take care of her: giving her medicine to keep her fever down, rubbing her back or her tummy when she wants, feeding her special fruit ice pops to keep her hydrated since she doesn't want to eat or drink, keeping her dressed lightly with warm blankets nearby for when she suddenly gets chilled.

But I'm helpless.

When she falls down or gets a cut, I've got specific steps to take to help her heal, including that all-important kiss to make it better. If she's struggling to climb up onto a jungle-gym set, I can give her a boost. If another kid yanks a toy from her hand, I can help her explain her feelings and ask for the toy back.

But I can't make her well. Even her doctor admitted the antibiotic he gave her might not work if the pneumonia is caused by a virus, not bacteria.

This is the most sick Sam's ever been. How do you handle it when your kids are ill? Do you have any special tactics or traditions to help them feel better as they wait out colds and flus?