Mommy philosophy: May 2007 Archives

We're taking Sammy out of day care.

She's been going to the same place since she was about 18 months old. And don't get me wrong, we really like this place. The people are great, her new teacher is really a teacher, so Sam's learning a lot. She talks about her friends -- Alyssa, Julian, Luddy, Nolan -- all the time.

But about three months ago, she started saying, "I don't wanna go see my friends." When I pull into the parking lot, more often than not she freaks out, crying and yelling that she doesn't want to go.

She might as well just rip my heart out. Talk about feeling guilty.

For a while, I thought it might be the teacher she had. Sam told me more than once that teacher was mean, and I even talked to the administrator about it.

For the last six weeks or so, she's been saying she's scared to go see her friends, and she throws full-on temper tantrums nearly every day when I leave -- something she hasn't done since she was about 2. I've talked with her teacher, who has repeatedly assured me she's fine about 10 minutes after I leave.

But here's the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back: They raised prices last week by 20 percent.

Yep. 20 percent. I was already paying these people a damn fine chunk of money to watch my child for five hours four days each week. But 20 PERCENT?

Add to that a heart-stopping, budget-breaking $2,400 car-repair bill, and we're saying sayonara to day care.

My sister-in-law Debbie, who is just about the sweetest and calmest person I know, is going to watch Sam now. Debbie has a daughter, Bethany, who is 9 weeks older than Sam, and she has just about the cutest little boy ever, Josiah, who is not quite 2.

I know they'll sing songs and play toys and learn letters and go for walks and pet the horses behind their house.

So why do I feel guilty for taking her out of day care? Am I going to ruin her in this crucial year before she starts school?

I feel like I'm really not winning here. Actually, the guilt has won. No matter what I do, it'll be there, hanging out, waiting to make me feel like an inadequate working mom.

What do you think? Did we make the right decision?

As I was taking Sam to preschool today, she pitched a fit.

Sam (whining -- see previous post on Sam's whining): "Why do I have to go see my friends?"

Me: "Because I have to go to work in a little while."

Sam: "Mommy, PLEASE don't go to work."

I had only one day off this weekend, which happens occasionally. To make up for it, I've got a three-day weekend coming up. But that means little to Sam today, or tomorrow, or the next day, because all she knows is she wants to see me and I'm not there.

I did the stay-at-home mom thing for about eight months after Sam was born. I royally sucked at it. I couldn't handle the loneliness, the lack of a schedule imposed by outside forces and the neverending piles of laundry and dishes that I abhorred.

But after two years of working full time, I'm still suffering from near-constant guilt. Is it hurting her that I'm not with her more often? What will she remember about me when she thinks back to this time in her life? Am I skipping out on too many mommy duties too often -- like playing, teaching, encouraging, cuddling, loving?

If you're a working mom, what do you find hardest about it? Do you find yourself overcompensating when you do spend time with your kids? How do you deal with your feelings of guilt?