Potty-training: January 2007 Archives

For the last three days, Sam has worn underwear instead of diapers at day care. And for the last three days, she has peed in the potty and had no accidents.

Cause for rejoicing, right? So why am I kinda bummed?

I'm very proud of her. Really. I know this is a big achievement, a milestone, a perhaps-overdue coming-of-age moment in her little lifetime. And it's great to see the pride on her face when she says, "Mommy, I did it! I pee-peed in the potty! Come look! Look! See!" (I've gawked at more pee-pee in the last two weeks than ever before, I swear).

But there's a part of me that doesn't want her to do this. A part that equates her being in diapers to her being my baby. A part that still wants her to drink from a sippy cup, still wants to pour the milk on her cereal, still wants to help her put her coat on or take her socks off.

My baby's a big girl. A big girl who has accidentally peed on my carpet so often lately that I'm running out of carpet cleaner, sure, but a big girl nonetheless.

I've never understood parents who can't seem to let their kids grow up. When Sam was about 18 months old, we were at a Christmas party, and a pregnant friend was talking about how she'd handle her 3-year-old and a newborn. "At least he can do some things by himself," I said about the 3-year-old.

My friend looked at me, horrified. "Oh no he can't," she said. "I still feed him and dress him and carry him a lot of the time. I just don't know what I'll do."

I was the one horrified. How could a mother stunt her child's growth like that? Clearly she was messing him up for life.

Yet here I am, sad that my little girl is growing up. I almost feel like whining that I'll wake up one day soon and she'll be driving or going off to college or getting married.

I think I'll concentrate on clapping for pee-pee right now.

Do you ever have trouble accepting that your kids are growing up? How do you handle it?

I waved good-bye to pee-pee the other day as it swirled down the drain. And I was surprisingly sincere about it.

My husband decided last week that Sam's gotta catch up with this potty-training thing. So he switched our tactic. Now, when she's in the house, Sam doesn't wear diapers (unless she's sleeping). She wears underwear, but no pants because having long pants on seems to make her forget she's not wearing a diaper. And wherever Sam goes in the house, the potty goes.

Since we've started this, I've cleaned pee-pee off my floor twice. I've clapped and hugged her four times for actually going on the potty. And I've watched her sit on the potty in vain about 20 times.

Do I like this new tactic? I'm not sure, but I know we've got to stick with it now. Sam doesn't seem to be too bothered by it. As I've said, she's really never cared about wearing a dirty diaper. It is rewarding, however, to see her make some progress.

I think I'm struggling with this because it's the one area so far where I've felt completely incompetent. I've never trained someone else how to control going to the bathroom. I've never even trained a puppy to do that, for goodness' sake. Everything else -- feeding her, changing her diapers, rocking her to sleep, singing songs, teaching letters and numbers and shapes, dealing with temper tantrums -- I've felt fairly qualified to do.

This? I'm at a loss. I've got no prior knowledge to draw on.

What do you have trouble teaching your kids? What makes you feel inadequate or nervous to teach them?

Sam's not potty trained. This is hard for me to admit, especially since she's almost 3 and a half.

From her first day in this world, Sam didn't care if her diaper was dirty. Even now, she can smell like a cow pasture, and if I ask her, "Did you poop?" she'll calmly say, "No. I don't need a diaper change, thank you."

Before I became a parent, I never expected to get an enthusiastic round of applause for peeing on the potty. Now, I've gotten more standing ovations for that than I can count. I've also gotten used to having an audience in the bathroom.

We've tried all the techniques experts recommend. She can tell you that, if she pees or poops on the potty, she'll get ice cream (which is the world's absolute greatest reward for her. Yeah, I know, don't reward your children with food, but I'm getting desperate here). She can recite her "It's Time to Go Potty!" book that we've been reading together since she was about 18 months old.

Her pediatrician swears that one out of every five 3-year-olds is not potty trained. We went down a checklist to determine toilet-training readiness, and Sam failed miserably.

I'm now of the don't-push-her camp of thinking. I think she really wants to go on the potty, but she physically can't control it. I'm hanging onto this line of denial until she's 4, at which time I'm afraid I'll have to resort to the cold-turkey diaper swipe.

What have you tried that's worked? Do you think Sam will do it when she's ready, or do you think I should be trying another method of training?