The difference between dogs & cats

Excerpts from a dog's diary:

8:00 a.m. Dog Food! My favorite thing!
9:00 a.m. A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 a.m. Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 p.m. Lunch!! My Favorite thing
1:00 p.m. Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 p.m. Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 p.m. Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 p.m. Got to play ball!! My favorite thing!
8:00 p.m. Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 p.m. Sleeping in my bed! My favorite thing!

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Excerpts from a cat's diary:

Day 893 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling object. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today, I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary conferment for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies". I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today, I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe ... for now.