By GWEN FARISS NEWMAN for Smart

When Jack Bray, an Adams Hanover Counseling Services outpatient therapist, was a child, he learned firsthand about positive intervention.

A local attorney caught him and his friend playing on a fire escape. By the time he got home, his mom already knew what had happened.

"I later spoke with the attorney about the incident and told him that he had hurt my feelings," Bray said. "He said, 'Good! I would rather hurt your feelings than watch you break your neck.' "

Adults often witness the bad behavior or dangerous choices children or teenagers make. It could be drugs, alcohol use -- or subtle dangers, such as bullying, eating disorders and depression.

You'd want to know if another mom saw your child in trouble. But delivering the news requires strength and finesse.

"Anytime information is shared with another parent the possibility exists that the reception from the other parent may be cool or even caustic," said Christine Miller, Dallastown Area High School guidance counselor.

When to be concerned:
• Change in eating and sleeping habits
• Withdrawal from regular activities
• Violent behavior
• Drug and alcohol use
• Unusual neglect of personal appearance
• Decline in the quality of schoolwork
• Frequent complaints about physical health
• Not tolerating praise or rewards
Source: www.puberty101.com

Should you share?
Ask yourself:
1. Are there safety or legal concerns? If yes, you need to share for the well-being of those affected.
2. Did you hear or see this information directly? If you heard it through a third party, you must consider the validity of the source.
3. As a parent, is this information you would want to know?
4. Is this information you believe the other parent would want to know?

How to proceed
1. Be sensitive to the parent and child.
2. Approach respectfully.
3. State that you've seen or heard something that as a parent you'd want to know about.
4. Give the parent a choice as to whether you should share further details.
5. Remember everyone doesn't have the same values.
6. Don't make judgment calls. Simply share your concern, and state it as such.
7. Don't tell others about the matter, unless others might also be affected.
Source: Christine Miller, guidance counselor, Dallastown Area High School