Mommy time
By JENNIFER VOGELSONG for Smart
Coury Gudeman figures she gets about 37 seconds of free time a day.
The 27-year-old stay-at-home mother of two is joking, of course. But she’s serious when she says it’s difficult for moms to find time for themselves.
“There’s always something,” the Stewartstown woman said. “A PTA meeting, someone sick with a stomach bug... There always seems to be another fire popping up.”
Some evenings, after Abigail, 5, and Elijah, 2, have gone to bed, she gets some precious time to sew and craft, making curtains and handbags. “I also love to cross-stitch and crochet when I can keep up with the projects.”
Jessica Glanz, 33, of Shrewsbury Township also gets crafty when she can snatch some free time. Glanz works two 12-hour shifts a week at Northwest Hospital in Baltimore, so she likes to engage the other side of her brain during downtime by beading and making purses.
“It’s one little way I can still be creative,” she said.
It doesn’t matter what you like to do with your free time if you can’t figure out how to find some.
Jessica Brein, a parenting educator at Jewish Family Services in York, said mothers need to plan for free time just like they would for their children’s activities.
“It’s not going to happen unless you make it happen,” she said. “A martyr does not make a great parent because at a certain point, you do become resentful. It’s important to safeguard against that.”
Free time falls into three categories: Time with your spouse, time with friends and time for yourself.
SMART TIPS • Schedule it. If you don’t plan for it, you won’t get it. • Find a friend and take turns watching each other’s children so you both get some kid-free time to connect with your spouse or engage in solo pursuits. Assign your spouse to watch the kids one evening so you can have a girls’ night. Do the same for him another night. • Be prepared. Keep whatever equipment you need for your preferred activity ready at hand (craft supplies, book, gym bag). This way, you won’t waste your precious free time hunting for items. • Take advantage of naptime, bedtime and preschool time to do things for yourself. If you have older children, tell them they need to occupy/entertain themselves for 15 minutes or half an hour at the same time each day while you have “mommy time.”
Time with your spouse
Brein recommends couples schedule date nights once a week to reconnect and remember why they’re together in the first place. “It doesn’t have to be long, but it does have to be on a regular basis and out of the house,” she said.
Time with your friends
A regular bedtime for the kids gives you an evening to make phone calls and catch up with friends, have dessert and chat with your husband, watch a movie or favorite TV show or pursue hobbies.
“It’s important to have adult time or reconnect with someone who is important to you,” Brein said. “It’s about refueling so you can face the world again with a fresh attitude and remember who the essence of you is.”
Time for yourself
Glanz has found a way to keep up with interests such as hiking by getting her husband and kids to join her. “I have a double stroller, so sometimes we’ll go on the rail trail,” she said. Exercise equipment at the house helps her steal some fitness time when Gabe, 3, is at preschool and Evan, 1, is taking a nap.
One thing that has worked for Gudeman is a designated evening to herself. She used to attend Weight Watchers meetings on Monday nights, so her family is used to her being gone then. Now, she uses the time to go grocery shopping alone — “It’s a lot easier and a lot cheaper,” she said — or grab a cup of coffee or visit the library.
Some of her favorite things to do with a few stolen minutes are surf the Internet, read blogs and work Sudoku puzzles.
If she got a large enough chunk of free time, she’d love to clean out her kitchen cabinets. With a laugh, she said, “I know, it sounds like such a lofty goal.”
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