Helping you choose the right candidate

As the election draws closer, many people are torn between the presidential candidates.
If you find yourself debating in your head (but Obama’s black! But McCain picked a woman!), then never fear. These simple steps should leave you feeling confident about your vote.
Even if none of the above is true, and you are dead-set against one party or the other, I urge you to keep reading – you might change your mind.

1. Pick your favorite animal.
Speeches and campaigns aside, let’s look at the party mascots. The Republicans favor an elephant, while the Democrats are partial to a donkey. Which one do you like better? The majestic elephant or the hardworking donkey?
Of course, if you don’t really like either, feel free to pick your own animal. Ben Franklin wanted our national bird to be a turkey. What does that say about him?
2. The attraction factor.
Host an imaginary beauty pageant, Miss America style, with all four candidates invited. Judge based on talent, not just the bathing suit contest, and ask questions such as, “Sen. Obama, where is the United States on a world map?” Or “Sen. McCain, boxers or briefs?”
3. See who fixes the real problems.
The candidates all blabber on about issues. McCain will fix the economy. Obama will fix the Iraqi conflict. Who’s going to fix our relations with the French now that Michael Phelps has upset their best swimmers? We need a candidate who will stop hurricanes like Gustav before they even reach the U.S. and has a plan to detect UFOs before they enter the atmosphere. That’s all we’re asking.
4. Flip a coin.
If you’re really struggling with your presidential pick, you can always resort to the age-old tradition of heads or tails. (I still wonder why we call the eagle side “tails.” Why not “heads or eagle”?)
One minor word of caution: Before resorting to this method, be sure you don’t have the Harvey Dent problem of a double-sided coin. If you do, though (or you are Harvey Dent), there is one more solution.
5. Vote Ralph Nader. Always a safe bet.
Happy voting on Nov. 4!

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