The Cake-Pop Monster

See? When four out of five cooks are bent on causing trouble, and the other one can’t cook, you get stuff like this.

I’ve been taking Food Management since just after Christmas break, and my mom (who feeds us herbed basmati rice and quinoa salad with peaches on a daily basis) is always frustrated that I’m coming home and all I know how to make is chicken noodle soup, breakfast burritos, chicken wings with barbecue sauce, and smoothies. That’s just not healthy enough for her. I showed her this picture with the hope that she’d give up trying to redeem public education’s culinary beliefs.

I don’t know how well that picture illustrates this portion’s size. This thing was huge. It is twice as tall as the mouse you are using to navigate this page. It would not fit in your pocket – but don’t pick it up to test that, because it’s so doughy that it would fall apart in your hands. Couldn’t have tasted too good, either.

The other members of my group took this cake-pop to a teacher they didn’t like as a “gift” (when your cat pukes up a mouse at your shoes, that’s supposed to be a gift too). We then made a lot of smaller cake-pops – but even those ones were pretty huge, bigger than any of the other groups’. By coincidence, our group was the only one all-guys.

Look at that picture. I should submit it to a modern-art museum. They’d praise it and call it a clever satire of everything that’s wrong with America.

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