Bush haters yelled, “Where are the WMDs you promised?”
And now they’re yelling at Obama, “Where’s the change you promised?”
Well, I can’t speak for the missing anthrax, but I’ve found Obama’s change.
And then some.
Recently, I was tidying up my home before the cast of “Hoarders” beats me to it (time better spent coming up with actual blog ideas, perhaps). I discovered enough quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies to pay off the federal deficit.
Well, more than $600 at any rate.
In one large plastic jar that used to hold sourdough pretzels and in another Tupperware jug, I found a metric ton of what Obama promised. Then, in a garbage bag half full of sand, a pair of old, sand-covered sandals and and empty toilet cleaner bottle, I found handful after handful more.
Most of it is dingy. Some coins are sticking together because of … I’m not sure what the adhesive is. And I think I had some batteries in there that decomposed, because there’s a Duracell label and a bunch of white grime. But it’s real U.S. currency.
You were right, Obama.
Yes, we could.
Mission accomplished (Wait, that was the other guy …).
Well, change is here. U.S. economy, consider yourself officially back on track. I for one and planning on what to do with my riches. Help me choose:
1. Give up my cell phone. Find a pay phone and start making calls from it.
2. Play A LOT of quarters
3. Buy pants with very large pockets.
4. Make A LOT of wishes at the mall.
5. Take my vacation at an arcade.
Some point out that I actually began accumulating change during the Clinton administration, but it wasn’t until Barry came to town that I added it all up. So there.
And some have suggested that I roll my change in paper and take it to the bank. Well, if I do that it becomes an abstract number, a figure on one of my unopened bank statements (I found a lot of those, too) not a giant, smelly pile of brown and green metal. It’s almost like it doesn’t exist.
What I need is change you can believe in.
Now, as for the WMDs, I have some month old chicken in a bowl in my fridge that seems to be growing a bacteria of some sort.
Keep your fingers crossed, Dubya.