This horse is unimpressed by your lack of agency. (h/t jayt74/Flickr)
I think it was the philosopher queens, the Ladies of Spice, who said it best:
Ha ha ha ha ha
Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
There’s more, but with somehow even less lyrical diversity than Whip My Hair.
It’s something of a pet peeve of mine when I hear people talking about things they want that they have absolutely no desire to do any work toward attaining. It’s the 20-something equivalent of “I want a pony” — you only want the fun parts of having a pony, not the feeding and the petting and the cleaning up after.
For there’s a difference, you see, between wanting something and wanting to want something. The problem is many people don’t know how to make that distinction. It sounds fairly semantic, but there’s a very real divide between the two. Take, for instance, something we’ve all probably thought at one point or another: I want to lose a few pounds.
Now, if you really want to lose weight, you have options. You can start watching more carefully what you eat, you can carve out the time to exercise more, or you can schedule appointments with your doctor to discuss the possibilities of liposuction. I’m not judging – all of those things are methods for dropping pounds.
But say you find those things tiresome, difficult to schedule or expensive (and slightly ridiculous). If you were to say, “Man, I want to lose a few pounds” but were unwilling to do any of those things, you’re speaking inaccurately. You don’t want to lose a few pounds, you want to want to lose a few pounds. You think it would be fantastic if you were to lose a few pounds, but you don’t actually want to do the work required to achieve that goal.
That’s not wanting, that’s wishing.
This is a semantic divide I think too many of us fall into, and it comes down to a question of agency. Ultimately, you are the master of your own priorities, which are accurately described as those things you actually want. If you want to lose a few pounds, then your priorities should reflect it, in one of the ways mentioned above.
It’s just a question of whether you’re willing to accept the consequences of your decision. Where I hear this most often is when my friends complain about the “bigger” things in life: relationships, living situations and jobs. One of my friends, who works as a graphic designer, told me she wanted to be a teacher. When I asked where she was along the path of becoming a teacher, she looked at me blankly.
“Have you looked into, say, a night school program or one of those programs that allow you to be certified based on your experience and then go back to school and get the educational background piecemeal?” I asked. “Also, I think there’s a state program where …”
She cut me off. “Well, I haven’t really had time to look into any of that, I’ve been really busy with …”
Even the sodding Spice Girls presented a roadmap in their song for someone who wanted to achieve their goal. (“You gotta get with my friends/Make it last forever …/You have got to give.”)
Don’t get me wrong: Wishing is a good first step on the road to doing. Telling people about those wishes is a good way to keep yourself accountable and on the right track. But if you ever actually want those wishes to come true, you have to make it an actual priority and start working toward it.
Well said, sir.