What's up with the pounds you lose coming back?
I mean, after I've done this much to get rid of them, wouldn't you think they'd pick up the hint and stay away?
This week, I gained a half a pound. My editors will not allow me to write here the colorful words I used when I looked at the scale Monday morning and saw this half pound was back. Plus, I think my mom is reading this.
Do I need to send my lost pounds a memo telling them to stay away? Should I try the, "It's not you, it's me," thing? Do I need a pounds' priest to excorcise them? I mean, what part of "We're done," do they not understand?
So, to those lost pounds. . . we're through. Finished. No more.
You. Me. Over. Comprende?
Seriously. . .please go wherever lost pounds go to play. You know, like on some other unlucky fat person - just stay away from me.
Don't call. Don't write.
There is no place for you in this organization.
We're going in a different direction.
We don't want you.
I'm not sure how I could make it any clearer. I just don't want you to come back. After you are lost, you are not allowed to come back.
Do you hear me, pounds?
Seriously. Stay away!
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