August 2007 Archives

but I'm tired of seeing Britney Spear's bare bottom and naughty parts. What part of she needs to where pants doesn't she understand?

Does Britney thinkshe is exempt from the "cover up your butt when you go out in public" rule?

Every week, one of the gossip sites has photos of her booty cheeks saying hello to the camera.

I'm starting to wonder if she thinks the rest of us are crazy because our butts are NOT bare in public.

Britney's thoughts - "Clothing items to cover my booty? What is this madness of which you speak?"

To help our sometimes commando (yes, I too feel like that's too much information about Britney, too.) pop tart, I think we need to band together, and set up a new foundation to collect underwear donations for Britney.

I mean, we could accept panties, pants and other bottom covers, as well as provide some fashion person to show her how to use these things.

Together, we can keep our wigtabulous star's butt covered. I'm willing to reach out to help Britney learn this social standard if you are.

For those who can't get enough of Britney's bum, here's a link to her "letting it all hang out" attitude:

http://www.tmz.com/2007/08/29/britney-fashion-violation-the-inner-dialog/

One more time:

http://prettyontheoutside.typepad.com/gilmore/

It appears that the two classes of torture I'm taking with Jen each week, (my gym calls them spinning class) are finally starting to pay off.

My clothes are fitting a little looser, and I was surprised to see that I've lost a pound.

I haven't weighed in or talked about my weight here in a few weeks because I was getting a little discouraged. I feel like I'd been starving, but not seeing any results.

I don't think anyone enjoys weighing themselves, but for me, the disappointment of seeing that little digital read out flash at me "You're still fat!!!" in the form of poundage - can sometimes be too much to bear.

This weight loss is encouraging, and it's nice to really see some results - on the scale and with my clothing.

I know there hasn't been much new on the blog this week. I've been busy with news stories and playing the FOIA game with federal officials (it's a long story - really).

I hope to bring you more entries next week. You know I will be writing lots if I lose some more weight!

Two states that I've known and lived in were in the top 25 of the fattest in the United States.

In accepting this award, I'd like to thank the academy, my mom, my dad, those wonderful Krispy Kreme donuts. . .

In the study (Yes, it's ANOTHER study on fat people) Virginia and Pennsylvania tied for number 23 out of the states with the highest rate of adult obsesity.

(Yeah!!! Where is Lil Jon when you need him?)

So, it looks like all those years of eathing faschnats and Virginia hams (and bacon, you can't forget the Smithfield bacon) is finally catching up with us.

Here's the Washington Post story on the study, with a link to the state listing, so you can see how your state measures up:

http://http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/27/AR2007082700884.html

Do you think obesity has become an epidemic in this country?

My co-worker, Sam (who also has a blog here - check her out), came over to my desk last night to give me a copy of the heaviest magazine I've ever seen.

The phonebook, otherwise known as the September issue of InStyle, could have many other uses, including as a doorstop or a murder weapon, depending on your mood and the circumstances.

We laughed about clocking someone with the mag, which would mean the last image in life the victim would see would be the smiling face of Gwen Stefani.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Anyhow, Sam also wanted to complain about a certain pop tartlet who got the guest spot on the front cover of a magazine she subscribes to - Allure.

The cover girl (drumroll, please) - Britney Spears with her brown wig on.

"I can't believe she's on the cover," bemoaned Sam. The incident upset my co-worker enough to make her cancel her subscription, she said.

This isn't the first time Allure did this, either, Sam informed me.

They had Spears on the cover years ago, and received a nasty e-mail from Sam for their choice.

Obviously, they're not into reader satisfaction. (smile)

The whole thing made me laugh, because the wigtabulous train wreck, otherwise known as Britney Spears, is by far my favorite tabloid queen.

I've been glued to her every misstep, and have spent way too much time reading about her while waiting in line at the grocery store.

For her kids, though, I'm still rooting for her to get her stuff together. It's mainly because I refuse to think of K-Fed as a good father. She HAS to get it together.

Here's more of Britney Spears in this month's issue of Allure, gettin' wiggy with it, during a photo shoot that apparently went better than the OK! mag shoot (see previous Britney Spears entry for details on that mess):

http://www.allure.com/magazine/2007/09/britney?slide=1

I am. Who's with me?

If you have any question about whether you're a big one, too, you can find out using a tape measure and other handy tools, according to this TODAY show story:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/20303592/?GT1=10340

Personally, I always go by the "can't fit nothin'" rule.

When I "can't fit nothin'" in my closet - meaning my "fat" shirts, pants, undies, bras, jackets, etc. - I think that's an indicator that I'm overweight.

(Or that I need to do more shopping, which anyone who knows me will tell you is NOT the case.)

Or maybe it could be that creaking I hear when I get into bed at night (basically the springs on my bed screaming, "Oh no, the fat one is back!!!")

It could be the way that I practically have to butter myself to get through tight spaces like my pantry, when I'm trying to put away the food, blankets and other items that go in this little closet.

Matter of fact, I think it's the smallest closet I've ever seen. Obviously, my home was not built by a fat person.

I try to avoid cleaning the pantry at all costs, because being covered in butter sucks.

I called my mom yesterday because I was bummed about Mo being gone. Even at 30-something years old, it's still comforting to hear my mom's voice.

She assured me that Mo would show up sometime, and not to worry. We laughed about how mischievous he is when he's around, and how the cat that didn't want Mo to live with us, Seven, seemed lost without him.

We exchanged "I love yous," and disconnected.

I was still bummed.

When I got off work, I planned on doing what I'd been doing every night since Mo escaped - putting up more signs, checking the kitty trap (Rose was nice enough to loan me hers) and walking up and down my street with a flashlight, searching for Mo.

In heavy rain, I hurried to the house, but stopped to call for Mo. I didn't think he'd be there, because he hadn't been for more than a week.

Then, I heard him "meow."

So, it's after 3 p.m., and the lunch you had at noon is a distant memory.

Do you go for those potato chips or that Snicker's bar that is calling out to you from the vending machine, eat the cake that's been put out for someone's birthday at the office, or go for your secret reserve chocolate/snack stash?

(This is a trick question, folks. The obvious answer is DUH, of course you do all three!)

No, we can't. That was the old Michele talking. The new Michele will not be tempted by the wonderfully sweet, sugary and salty snacks.

Instead, we will have something healthy and filling, to tide us over until our sensible dinner.

No, you are not in the wrong place. This is my blog. Yes, I am feeling OK.

So, I have a few, easy, healthy snack recipes for you guys, courtsey of http://www.ediets.com.

Well, not necessarily by you, but by someone besides my cats, my friends, my family and myself. . .

Yes, I would like to find someone who will put up with my diva-like behavior on a regular basis.

While I was surfing the web the other night, I found this Newsweek article on relationships.

I thought it was pretty interesting. Here it is:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20286081/site/newsweek/

I had to fight the evil demons of cycling class alone this morning. My partner, Jen, was sick.

The class wasn't bad. However, I did have three of the thinnest women I have ever seen riding around me.

As I struggling through yet another imaginary hill, I just looked at them. I kept trying to figure out why they were in class.

If I was that thin, I would NEVER go to the gym. I mean, NEVER.

Matter of fact, I would drive by the gym, donut in hand, and give it the middle finger. No gym for me, I'd scream in my sugar-filled, no-gym, happy voice.

Then it hit me - perhaps these women are here to maintain their thin profiles.

So, let me get this straight - after doing all this work to get that thin, I have to stay in the gym to be able to maintain it?

You've got to be kidding me.

I still haven't found Mo. I did, however, spent 20 minutes of my life, that I'll never get back, luring someone else's cat from under my front porch.

I have the dirty clothes and stuffed up nose to prove it. I do, however, know what spider webs look like up close and personal. Yuck.

Seven still thinks I did something to his brother. For those of you new to the blog, Seven is my other cat.

He's the one who didn't like Mo when I first brought him home. Now, he misses him.

Go figure.

Anyhow, thanks to everyone for your kind words. I just hope Mo can find his way home.

We miss him. (And I'm tired of hearing Seven cry for him. It makes me feel soooo guilty.)

More reasons (besides wanting to see your feet and private parts) to get ride of your pot belly.

According to yet another study on fat people, those with more padding around the waist are at risk for heart problems. Here's the story:

http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100167845>1=10309

You know, why can't they ever do a study that produces GOOD news about fat people?

I don't know about you, but the bad news is really starting to get me down.

Meanwhile, a totally unrelated comedy clip with a few examples of pot bellies:

http://s59.photobucket.com/albums/g302/highoctane302/?action=view¤t=EddieMurphy-LittleRichardSimmonsSho.flv

Ok, here's another, totally unrelated video clip that shows fat people. I forgot how funny this video is. This boy has problems.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6352769336432270826

Ok, he's not really a child, but he's as close as I will come to having one, for the time being, at least.

My little kitty, "Mo," escaped over the weekend. I haven't seen him since early Sunday morning.

Now, I do have to admit that I have threatened to throw him out, at one time or another, after he jumped on my head while I was sleeping, or destroyed something.

But I'm worried about the little troublemaker. He's been gone almost two days, and it's breaking my heart.

His brother, Seven, is convinced that I did something to Mo, or sold him to the pirates, so he won't stop crying.

Well, as much as a big-boned (He is NOT fat) cat can cry.

I put up signs in the neighborhood, and put out food. I walked all around, but couldn't find him. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears.

Any ideas on how I can get my lost cat to come back home?

A British study showed the desire to eat may be linked to an appetite hormone, leptin.

Here's the story on it:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070809/hl_afp/usresearchfoodobesity_070809182223;_ylt=AswtywGnC2JPLeXTKLA7QOOs0NUE

If you've ever been in a group workout class that you hated, you've probably met the "WOO!" instructor.

She's the perky, smiling person who is WAAAY too happy about a 9:15 a.m. exercise class.

My co-worker, Jen. V., had our own little session with the "WOO!" instructor in the 10th level of hell my gym likes to call cycling class Wednesday morning.

Like the skit from Eddie Murphy's "Raw," kids think that food that comes in the wrappers that say "McDonald's" are always better than the other food they've been offered.

So, it's true. McDonald's gets its claws into us really early in life, then never lets go. I knew it.

Here's the story on the McDonald's study:

http://health.msn.com/pregnancykids/kidshealth/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100167396>1=10316

This person has obviously been on the eliptical machine for waaaaay too long.

I know we're all on this get thin, get healthy kick, but he's taking things a little too far.

I had to get a shot of him from another angel so I could show my readers the dangers of working out too much.

Look at him - he has no skin, he's just bones!

(I think it goes without saying that I do not have this problem. The gym and I have an on-again/off-again relationship.)

But back to our "fat-challenged" person. . . He didn't die from working out too much. I think it was from consumption or perhaps the plague. . .

The truth is that "Skelly" hangs out in a display about health and fitness at the Franklin Institute Science Museum in Philadelphia.

He rides is machine day in, and day out, with signs around him that warn readers about avoiding stress and taking better care of themselves.

I thought he was neat, so here he is. For more information about the Franklin Institute and its healthly programs, including the walk-through heart exhibit, go to:

http://www.fi.edu

I was in Philly this weekend, where I walked and walked and walked and walked and. . . well. . .you get the picture.

I went downtown to do toursit-type things, and to go to the Franklin Institute Science Museum. I went with to see the famed "King Tut" collection and show called, "Tutankhamun and the Golden Age of the Pharaohs."

The items from King Tut's tomb were really cool. Here is his "I'm tough on Egyptian issues, but can still wear a skirt," face:

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Here's a shot of the banner outside the museum:

This is me and Jenni after we watched the IMAX film about the secrets of the pharoahs, and the freedom and diversity of Philadelphia:

For a walking workout at a Philadelphia museum in the form of the King Tut show, which is only in this area until September, go to:

http://www2.fi.edu/tut/index.html

Eating on the run? Standing in the kitchen? At work? Studies show where you eat can make a difference in how many pounds you pack on.

I'm guilty of eating in all these places, and in dimly lit restaurants. Go figure.

Here's the story:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19985481/site/newsweek/

I don't know about them making you fat, but they sure have made me broke (but I have really, really cute clothes and shoes. I'm sure they'll be a huge comfort to me while I'm struggling through bankruptcy).

Moving on. . . here's a story on credit cards, which can now be used at most fast food restaurants, and news about how those who use them often buy more food than they would if they paid in cash:

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Banking/CreditCardSmarts/CreditCardsCanMakeYouFat.aspx

Do you use your credit cards at fast food restaurants When you use them, do you buy more food?

Talk about false advertising - For more than a week, the British tabloid OK! Magazine bragged about their "exclusive" story on Britney Spears' meltdown at a July photo shoot for the magazine.

Like everyone else wallowing in Britney's misery, I couldn't wait to read about her latest set of "problems."

For the record, I don't hate Britney. I've always thought she was kind of cute, and that the "I'm a Slave 4 U," song was kind of catchy.

I keep wondering if she can ever get worse, and she keeps delivering. It's like a bad movie that you can't stop watching.

I know why I'm fat.

It's because I have fat friends.

According to a study from the New England Journal of Medicine, obesity is "socially contagious" -" it spreads among individuals in close social circles.

Like the chocolate syrup on the seven scoops in a fat kid's sundae, obesity spreads out, covering all who are close to it.

So, I can keep all my plump friends, but my skinny ones have to go, or I will make them fat.

To all of my skinny friends - you should run in the other direction. Jenni, Sharon, Ann, Rachele and even my mom - I love you, but you have to go.

I'm sorry to cut you off, but I can only be around other fatties, so as to not "infect" anyone else with my fatness.

I will miss you, oh ye of little fat.