September 2007 Archives

I was on the phone with my homey, Amanda, Friday night, and we were discussing problems her incredibly thin friend (we hate her) Melissa, had finding clothing.

It seems that Melissa is one of the tiny sizes that only exist in the dreams of full-figured gals like myself, a 2, or something like that.

Well, she went to one of her favorite retailers to buy pants and tried on her normal size. They were practically falling off her (Ah, if only this would happen in my life. . . Sigh. . . )

She hasn't lost any weight.

Melissa, Amanda told me, was the victim of "vanity sizing."

I asked, "What the heck is vanity sizing?"

It all started when I went to buy the DVD set of the television series, "Heroes."

I didn't want to pay a lot for it, so I went to the All-Mart store in East Hamchester Township.

This place used to be affectionately called, "The Ghetto All-Mart."

I know why.

I went to the electronics department to pick up the DVDs. The show is popular, and there was only one set left on the rack.

The package said, "HD DVD," and I asked an employee, who we'll call "Tweedledee," if the DVD would play in a regular DVD player.

She replied, "EYup."

I said, "Excuse me?"

She said, "EYup."

I said, "Right. . . Ok. . . are you sure this will play in a regular DVD player? These are HD DVDs."

"EYup," she said again. "I could ast someone else who knows about this stuff." (She said it that way, so that's how I spelled it.)

I replied, "That would be great."

So, Tweedledee disappears, then reappears with her partner in the Electronics Department, Tweedledum.

He looks at the HD DVD, turns it over and over, and darn near sniffs the DVD set before saying, "Yeah, it'll play."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Eyup."

I know you're going to be shocked when you read this next line, but - it didn't work in any of the regular DVD players I have at home.

Who knew?

As soon as I start bragging about how often I've been to the gym in the last two weeks, I stop going.

I do have an excuse. I've had the plague for the last few days. I think its small pox.

Actually, I have a really bad cold, which kept me out of work and out of the gym for the last few days. Trust me - no one wants the cold I've got going. It is not cute at all.

So, I'm still getting over a cold and missing the gym a little.

Crazy, right?

This just in - your friendly, neighborhood "pleasantly plump" blogger has knees!

Before I started toning up, my legs were all thigh - a landscape of cottage cheese-like cellulite with dimples that ended down somewhere near my ankles.

However, when I was sitting on the couch this weekend, I noticed my knees had come back! They'd been hidden, you see, under the chub that had taken over the lower part of my legs.

Now, that I'm working toward being toned and buff (Hello, Arnold!), you can now tell that I do, in fact, have knees, and my thighs are shaping up, too.

Do you hear me, dear readers? My legs no longer look like fleshy, brown treetrunks!

This is great news. I need to celebrate. I believe some shoe shopping is in order.

I made it to the gym three times this week for cycling class.

It was no easy feat, my friends.

My legs may feel like jelly (and they still jiggle like jam), but I feel good. I think I like this cycling thing.

Now, if only I could say no to the lure of sweets, we might be in business.

So far, no pounds off, but I'm not going to be discouraged. The weight thing is going good.

With summer ending, some of us can't wait for fall and boot weather.

However, you do not want to hide any extra pounds under those cute winter sweaters and matching slacks.

This short story provides a few obvious tips that can serve as a reminder.

What other ways do you keep the weight off during the fall?

So far, I've been to the gym twice this week. That is not an easy feat with my schedule.

If I go on Friday, that will be two weeks that I've made it to the gym three times.

I'm going to make it.

I'm bad.

Go Michele, get yo' workout on, Go Michele get yo' workout on. . .

So, besides eating, or buying myself a pair of new shoes, how should I celebrate being back on the gym wagon?

I just wanted to thank Mars Inc. in the form of a shout out on my blog for not changing the way they make chocolate.

As a big fan of the the chocolate gods behind M & Ms's, I'm glad they want to keep the formula for the treats that helps me make it through the day the same.

For those of you who don't know, they are the gurus behind some of the best chocolate next to Hershey's, including M&Ms, Dove Chocolate, Snickers, Milky Way, 3 Musketeers and Twix.

In this AP story, the chocolate giant talks about not wanting to change the way they do business.

God bless them.

you get to the bottom of the bowl when you're eating something really, really good?

I was eating a really tasty snack. Now, it's done and I'm sad.

Sigh.

I've got a question:

If you interview a lady who has a mustache, should you mention it?

Should you tell her about her lip hair?

Does she not see it? What is she keeps smoothing it down while she's talking to you?

Seriously, what do you do?

If she's family, I think you're obligated to tell her.

However, the rules for complete strangers are different, and telling a woman you've just met about her mustache probably requires some tact.

What do ya'll think?

Who knew? I thought that I could eat at those places every day and keep my girlish figure.

In this story, a reporter talks about her quest to go to different fast food restaurants and find healthy choices.

That's like going to a Weight Watchers meeting to find a skinny chick.

Your success rate at both missions is going to be - yes, I'm going to say it - slim. (I'm so funny that I crack myself up).

What healthy meals do you eat at fast-food restaurants?

Yeah, I used bouncing breasts in the headline - what of it?

So, I was searching the wires last night, looking for something to post on my blog. Between my cat, my family and my glasses, you guys have heard more than enough about me lately.

I wanted to find something cool, and that was actually related to the topics my blog is about, for a post.

The Gods of journalism smiled down on me, and not only gave me something, but also gave me something that involves bouncing breasts.

There's no way I could pass this one up. Also, it has some interesting information on what happens to breasts when women work out.

What do you do to keep the twins confined while working out?

I was in Virginia over the weekend, and my nieces and nephews had a few words of wisdom for me.

This stuff is probably better suited for the mommy blog, (it's funny, too. - check it out) but I had to share.

My niece Aisha, and I were looking at a book about animals and bugs.

We were also trying to teach her sister, Kaiya, some new words.

As I went over the word "moth" with Kaiya, her sister had the following comment:

"Auntie 'Chele, I like moths."

I replied, "You do?"

"Yes," Aisha said, nodding, then added, "But not when they are on my feeet."

"Then, I don't like them," she said.

I wasn't quite sure what to say to that one.

My sister said she has no idea when some rogue moth may have attacked my niece's feet. Here she is, watching television, and she doesn't know I took her picture.

We had another instructor from the hot place tonight forour spinning class.

Jen and I believe this woman was trying to kill us.

From the panting and heavy breathing I heard from those on the bikes around us, I think the other riders were probably all feeling the pain, too.

I'm trying to think of something witty, yet mean to say about Britney Spears' disaster of a comeback performance on the MTV Video Music Awards.

Between the awful lip-synching, her robot-stiff dancing, her botched cues and other missteps (like the part where she just stops singing, and music continued), I'll just have to let you watch the performance for yourself, and enter the punchline:

Britney's been the tabloid queen, but I think people really expected more. I know I joke about Brit Brit, but I kind of hoped she'd kick butt with her comeback performance.

In her defense, the wigtabulous poptart seems distracted - like her mind is on something else (Oh where Oh where did my dancing skills go, oh where, oh where could they be?), and not on what she's doing.

She should be locked in a room with the tape of her performance. This way, she can endure the horror that we all experienced watching her stumble through that routine. The song isn't bad, though.

Here's what the critics and others thought of her "performance." If it makes Brit Brit feel any better, this critic didn't care for the VMAs, either.

Another review of Britney's flubbed job at the VMAs, and we're not done yet. Here's another review panning Brit Brit. I updated this page on Thursday, and people were still talking about Brit Brit's bombing out.

I found this story, which claims to have Britney's reaction to her performance:

In Britney's defense, this columnist takes folks to task who had the nerve to say Brit Brit is fat. I have to agree. I think most would long to only be that chubby after two children.

And in Britney's defense:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070911/ap_on_en_mu/bulging_britney_5;_ylt=AlPCeTGqF1DjPE1PxkxVG0MnHL8C

P.S. One of my co-workers thought I was too soft on Brit Brit in this post. I'll try to think of something meaner and get back to you.

Or, I'll just let Sarah Silverman do my dirty work:

http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1568788&vid=174395

What did you think of the Britney Spears performance on the MTV Video Music Awards?

I'm mad that fried chicken and potato chips did not make this list:

http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/slideshow.aspx?cp-documentid=100169914>1=10412

Tell me, what healthy foods do you suggest?

My niece, Aisha, turned 6 today. I wanted to give her a shout out on her birthday.

Time goes by so fast. I can remember when she was a cute, little baby (grouchy, but still adorable). This is her, dressed up for her first Christmas. Isn't she precious?

This is what she looks like now. She's my little diva in training. It's all about you, birthday girl:

Because I can't resist, here's one more cute kid picture, of Aisha and her baby sister, Kaiya:

Aisha, you're a princess. Your auntie loves you very much, and hopes you had a wonderful birthday.

Skip the cola, and go for the Sunkist.

A new study shows that citrus-flavored sodas often have a higher caffeine content than the most popular colas.

Here's the story:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070905/ap_on_he_me/diet_soda_caffeine;_ylt=AuL8WsPZwPb7VwuI3h2d6X6s0NUE

As a dieting person, I skip the soda and go for the tea. It has to be sweet tea, though.

I'm without glasses.

Again.

When I got home Sunday, I was mad that I'd lost my glasses, but comforted in the fact that I had a spare pair.

I dusted off the old spares, and put them on. And then, the world before my eyes was clear again.

It was nice to see again, however brief.

When the lense popped out of my spare glasses tonight, I remembered why they were my spare pair.

Like the guy in "Superbad," who had to clean up the alcohol spilled by McLovin said, ________ my life.

It all started when I lost my glasses. Things went downhill - literally - from there.

Over the weekend, I was at my friend, Mike's, home in Providence, RI. I helped him paint rooms on the third floor as part of his remodeling project there.

Now, being the good glasses-wearer that I am, I thought, "I'm going to take off my glasses, and put them someplace safe, so I don't get paint on them."

The only problem - I couldn't remember where that safe place was.

Your regularly scheduled Sunday blog post has been cancelled, because this blog's author is really having a hard time with life.

I keep thinking that these things only happen in my life, but I'm sure you guys have some "Wednesday" stories to share with me.

(Wednesdays are usually bad days for me. Don't ask - I don't know why it's so often the case.)

So, please come back to the blog later on this week for blog posts on all the important things, and on my weight stuff, too.