October 2007 Archives

For those of you who have been reading, I gained like 10 pounds.

It is not a happy time for the home team.

I'm on vacation now, and I'm trying to figure out things that will help me get back on track. Like most dieters, I've fallen of the weight-loss wagon.

But I won't be discouraged. Ok, maybe I'm a little bit discouraged.

Dieting is so hard. I mean, why can't I have more than one soda a day, or why do I have to work out all the time?

Because:

A) I want to fit in my clothes.
B) I'm really tired of the "thighs rubbing together" sound when I walk
C) I want to be healthy.

So, there it is. The reasons why I need to take stock, and figure out how to get back on track.

I know what needs to be done, I just have to stick to it, which is proving to be the hardest of all tasks.

You guys can thank Angie for this post, about a Kentucky church that wants to help our favorite troubled pop tart, Britney Spears.

They're sending her their love and support during this difficult time.

Here's a bit of the Washington Post story:

Send Britney your letters
Church opts to try to help the troubled pop star

LEXINGTON, Ky. -- The congregation of Southland Christian Church is being asked to send letters of love and support to troubled pop star Britney Spears, described by the pastor as having made "devastating life choices."

"Take a few minutes and write a note to Britney Spears," pastor John Weece said in a sermon and in a blog on the church Web site. "No preaching. No criticizing. Just love. As a church, let's love Britney the way Jesus loves her."

For the full story, click here.

Feel free to send me your jokes on this one, or any sample letters you may have. I'm going to craft my own later.

Hi guys. Well, I've got to take some days off, so I won't be posting as much next week.

I'm going home to spend some time with the family, and help my mom prepare an utterly tacky display of Halloween yuck-yuck at our homestead in Virginia.

I'm so excited! We love Halloween around my way, so it will be fun.

Now, for the bad news - I didn't make it to the gym this week, and my weight is still holding at over 250. It sucks.

Going home to reevaluate, and come back ready for a fresh start. Wish me luck.

Your source for all things Britney Spears has the latest update on her parenting skills.

I know you'll be shocked when you read this, but the court-appointed monitor who has been tasked with watching Brit Brit says she's a bad mother who ignores her children.

Another shocker - she wouldn't listen to the woman about how to properly care for her tots.

You know, it's like a train wreck - you just can't look away.

Totally unrelated, I found this neat column on the show, "Gossip Girl(s)?" and the "teens" in the show.

Does anyone watch this show?

Is it just me, or is there something very wrong with injecting a toxin in your body to get rid of your laugh lines?

I read this story on Botox, and it's sorted history and humble beginnings, including being the culprit behind many horrible deaths.

The story helped convince me, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm going to be a prune when I get older.

I'm vain (I'm so vain, I know that everything is about me, I'm so vain. . . - see old Carly Simon song, but with my lyrics), but there's no way I'm doing this.

I'll be wrinkled, but don't talk bad about me when I'm 60 with a perky platter o' boobs sitting up under my chin.

A girl has to have some vanity. I'm just saying.

that I'm a fat girl?

I keep getting spam with subject lines like, "Snack Offers," and "Free Soda for life."

Who told them?

I really want to know (because you KNOW I like me some snacks and soda. That's part of the problem.)

(And yes, I meant to say, "I like me some. . . ")

you're driving behind someone in an SUV, and they slow down to a crawl to go over the railroad tracks?

It makes you just want to scream, "You're in an SUV! If anyone is blowing over the railroad tracks, it should be you!"

This drives me insane as much as those folks who don't use turning signals, or the ones who pass stop signs like they're not there.

With the stop sign runners, I just want to say to them, "You go right ahead. The stop signs are for everyone else to stop, BUT you. . . moron!"

Sorry, I'm having a road rage day. Bear with me.

I did, however, workout twice over the weekend, and it felt great.

I'm coming for you 10 pounds!

Are buckets really holy? Just wondering. . .

Ok, enough about that, I've got something awful to tell you.

Your pleasantly plump - wait, scratch that - your favorite fat blogger has some bad news.

(You're going to have to click on the link to find out what it is.)

See, this is what you get from being too thin.

More proof that you need a little padding to get through life.

I rest my case.

P.S. Can you guys get your sister, Chris Crocker, please? Look at him here.

There are no words for this one. Insert your own joke here.

Where I'm from, that's the "Too Much Information," file. I like to use it when people tell me waaaay too much about their business.

So, readers, I've talked about Britney Spears' issues with not wearing undies in the past posts. I thought we could help her, but it looks like the suggestion I wrote in this blog post, is not an option.

Apparently, the pop tart doesn't like how underwear feel, so she doesn't wear them. Nevermind that she doesn't wear enough material to cover her bare bum, she just refuses to wear panties, as she says in this story.

I don't know about you, but I did not want to know this about our embattled, unbeweavable celeb.

And just for the record, I think underwear is fabulous. Britney really doesn't know what she's missing.

In other TMI news, her biggest fan, Chris Crocker, strutted his stuff in this www.tmz.com video.

When I first watched it, I was like, "My eyes! My eyes! I can't see. Oh my God, my eyes!"

Turns out it was only temporary, and as soon as the video went off, my sight came back. Amazing.

This guy is a frightful mess, and I didn't want to know this about him, either.

What information about celebrities could you do without?

I found this interesting story about how you can turn back the clock.

As a woman in her 30s, most might think I'm young for this kind of advice.

However, I'll take what I can get. I especially loved the part about hanging around children, which as you guys know, is on the list of my favorite things when it comes to hanging out with my nieces and nephew.

I'll have new, cute pictures of them after Halloween.

Here's the story, and its tips.

1. Change your perception of time. Don't be in a hurry.

2. Get restful sleep.

3. Eat fresh, nutritious food.

4. Take at least two multivitamins with minerals every day.

5. Practice a mind body technique such as yoga or tai chi.

6. Exercise regularly.

7. Don't put toxins in your life, including toxic food, toxic
emotions, toxic relationships, and avoid toxic environments or toxic relationships.

8. Have a flexible attitude to minor hassles.

9. Look at so-called problems as opportunities.

10. Nurture loving relationships.

11. Always have an attitude of curiosity, learning, and wonder and spend time with children.

In the case of most of these women, the answer is YES! YES! and one more time, YES!!!

Leave it to Oprah to set them straight. On a show, she had the women come in and get a makeover.

In some cases, like the woman in the red plaid jumper, it was desperately needed.

With these ladies in mind, I went online to look for tips for dressing slimmer.

I found this article, with 10 tips on dressing thinner, which included my favorite tip about wearing clothes your size.

It seems obvious, but even I've been guilty of taking the larger size because it's more comfy.

I also found a site whose name I really can relate to, www.youlookfab.com, which had fashion tips for many situations, and even talks about the best socks!

Here's some more good tips, from an article from YES.

I thought you guys would appreciate these photos of the stars looking, well, bad.

You could fry chicken on Posh's forehead in her photo. Has she not heard of Mineral Viel?

This batch also includes the weekly bare crotch shot of Brit Brit, who obviously did not read my "I don't know about you. . ." , a post on the fact that she still doesn't know garments to cover up one's bottom and naughty parts actually exist.

It also has a shot of Britney Spear's weave, that looks unbeweaveable put up in a ponytail, which was a BAD IDEA.

And could Kelly Osbourne be any paler? My goodness she looks like a scary clown!

The notable exception is Lindsey Lohan, fresh from rehab and lookin' fab. (That was cool. I rhymed, and hadn't even planned it that way. The wonders never cease.)

I also found another clown photo, this time of Lauren Hill. Maybe having four kids and one on the way, with no baby daddy in sight is driving her to make bad fashion choices.

We'll get back to our regularly scheduled blog posts this week, with more on weight and such, soon enough.

For now, enjoy the celebs looking a hot mess (Not to be confused with www.hotghettomess.com, a site with regular people looking a darn mess).

I've got some good news.

People are actually reading my blog.

Yes, I'm shocked by it, too.

Seriously, though, you guys are reading my blog and leaving your comments. Today's blog post is all about you. (drumroll, please)

Your comments on blog posts (underlined links, so you can read the posts again, if you really enjoy torture):

Post: Weird "Leave Britney Alone" Guy, about Britney Spears' biggest fan.

"I heart Chris Crocker." - Lyzz

Post: I've been there, sister, a post about cycling class and evil instructors.

"Don't worry-- there is a special place in hell reserved for sadistic cycling class instructors." - Megan

Post: Ready for my close-up, on my quest for a new file photo.

"LOVE YOUR LUSCIOUS LIPS!" - my bff from high school, Sharon

Post: Cycling in the 10th level of, well, you know. . . , about taking an hour spinning class at a local fitness palace.

"I hope I don't drop dead." - Jen, my cycling class partner

Post: Bras can't control bouncing breasts, about how bras and sports bras still aren't where they need to be support-wise for most women.

"At the risk of sounding immature, I'll just say that the mental image I take from paragraph 10 of that article continues to make me chuckle :)

I have a sports bra from Target that I swear by. It keeps everything securely in place!" - Maria Elena

Just in case you didn't notice, it's cold here in York, PA. The temperature was like in the 60s.

For those of you that don't live in PA, that means we've officially started winter. Yesterday, it was almost 80 degrees here.

Everywhere I've been today, folks have been stating the obvious, that it's cold out.

Why do we do that? Are we trying to find that one person that might say, 'No, it feels downright tropical out today?"

Even if we did, we'd call that person crazy, and move on with life.

So, here I am, stating the obvious with everyone else and telling you that it's cold.

I'm also using the weather as an excuse not to go to the gym.

I am, however, meeting with a personal trainer Friday afternoon.

God help me.

I saw a man who looked just like my brother, Reggie, at the grocery store today.

(My younger brother, Reggie, 21, died on May 25, 2000, from complications with diabetes.)

I was in the middle of errands - going to the bank, visiting the post office and shopping for groceries at Giant.

In the Giant parking lot, man that looked so much like my brother it took my breath away, pushed the carts into their little corral, then headed back into the store.

I felt like I'd been hit by a ton of bricks. I tried to hold back the wave of emotions - the deep hurt of losing a sibling, missing him so much that it hurts and the toll his death has taken on my family.

Does this song sound familiar? It's the 242 song. I'm still there, still holding.

Not losing, which is frustrating.

But I am feeling a bit more toned up. I can't believe it's taking so long for me to lose this extra 30 pounds. I thought the weight would just melt off!

Ok, I knew that wouldn't happen, but I had kind of hoped I'd just wake up thin, especially after all the cycling classes.

For those who want to look at my weight, you can scroll to the bottom of the blog page, and look at the chart there.

It shows my weight peaks and valleys. Now, let's hope for more valleys.

I'm going to the grocery store to stock up on green foods, and hope for the best.

Apparently, the British celebrity gossip journalists have much juicer stories than the American ones.

As an avid reader of UsWeekly, and Star (mostly in the grocery store line), I found this site to be just as much fun, and the reporting seems a lot better.

For today's celebrity dish, we go to YahooMusic and this column on Britney Spears' video for her new song, "Gimme More."

The song, as I said in previous blog posts, is kind of catchy. The video includes Britney in two roles, including one as a strippe. (Insert your joke here.)

So, where do you go for your dose of celebrity gossip? Wat's your favorite celebrity gossip site/magazine?

Tuesday's cycling class was a barrel of laughs.

Not only has the nighttime class been taken over by the evil "WOO!" instructor (see this blog post for details), she had a whole class of people just like her.

I got back on the "working out" horse this week, only to be greeted by the evil one on my first class back. On the bike next to me was a woman who'd never taken a cycling class before.

Boy, was she in for a treat!

(Again, that was sarcasm.)

The devil's minion started the class, and screamed at us about how good it felt to ride. To my surprise, more than 10 others in the class joined in, whooping and hollering about how much fun we were having.

For the record, no one has FUN in cycling.

We go because we don't want our butts to get any wider.

It's that simple.

Have you guys seen the video of this androgynous freak show?

Apparently, he is Britney Spears' biggest fan. His tearful plea for the world to "Leave Britney Alone," has landed him on late night television, and this video has something like eight million hits on YouTube.

As funny as this video is, this one, with Seth Green defending the guy who did the crazy Britney video, is even funnier.

Seth Green has some serious problems.

The Britney guy, Chris Crocker, is even supposed to be getting his own television show. Here's an AP story about him from over the weekend, and some photos, where he looks a hot mess.

In case you can't get enough of Chris Crocker, here's more photos of him, again, looking a hot ghetto mess.

What a world.

I can't feel my legs.

After an hour of cycling class tonight (I have not been for a week. I had a cold.), I think I have successfully broken my legs.

It hurts to walk.

It hurts to sit.

It just hurts to be.

Don't even get me started about how my butt is feeling right about now. It's so mad, it won't even clap for me.

(That's a stripper reference. Look it up.)

I think I may have overdid it.

Hi guys. I'm going to start working out again today.

I'm really, really happy about it.

(For those of you who do not know, that was also sarcasm.)

I had something awful last week, I think it was the flu, and it kept me away from cycling class.

I just hope I don't die going to one tonight. Wish me luck.

Hold the phone, folks. The courts have said that K-Fed is the better parent, awarding him custody of the couple's two young sons.

What is the world coming to when people think K-Fed is a good dad? In this story, Britney's attorney said she lost the kids because she didn't follow the court orders.

You don't say?

Some think Britney lost her kids on purpose. She is a wreck, and she needs to get it together. (Says the woman whose life is TOTALLY together (that was said sarcastically).)

Do you think Britney's kids are better off?

Disclaimer: Yes, you are still on the weight-loss blog. I hate to admit it, but I LOVE celebrity gossip.

Stay tuned - I'm sure some other star will crash and burn, and then we can make fun of them here.