It's mocking me.
From it's plastic cover and its place hanging on the closet door, the pretty, beaded and strapless dress, is taunting me.
It is not happy with me almost having a panic attack every time I think about what my fat back an turkey arms will look like in it for my friend's October wedding.
No, that's not enough.
It's like, "Hey, big girl. I know you're stressed about how you're going to look in this dress. You should be. You're going to look a hot ghetto mess!"
Then, I hear its evil laughter.
It's mocking me.
These are the confessions of a plus-sized bridesmaid.
If I didn't know better, I would think my friend hates me. (She doesn't - we've been friends since 7th grade.)
It's her day, and I'm not supposed to complain. I get it.
The dress is lovely. . . but that doesn't keep me from cringing every time I think about wearing it.
It's not her fault that me and every woman over a size 2 gets a little nervous when told they will be asked to wear a strapless dress for a wedding.
And don't even get me started on how long it took me to find undergarments with materials strong enough to hold the girls up and in under a strapless dress.
(Cue the screaming video. Yes, I'm there.)
Why, Lord, why? My kingdom for some straps, or some other support.
Here's a novel idea - sleeves! Can a big girl get some sleeves to cover up the turkey arms?
Please?
When the answer is no, you have to take drastic measures.
I'm sick, and I won't be able to go to the wedding.
Yes, that's it. I'm going to be sick on Oct. 18, and won't be able to make it.
Take that, you evil, mocking strapless dress!!!
If only it were that simple.
My friend would kill me. My parents would disown me for standing up my friend.
So, I'm left with the strapless dress I'm going to have to glue to my body so my girls do not say, "how do you do" during the wedding.
Sigh.
(Note to readers: This is not, in any way, a bash of the bride. I'm happy to be part of her special day. I'm freaked out about wearing another strapless dress as a bridesmaid for another wedding.)
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