I have failed you.
My name is Michele, and I am a fashion victim.
As your blogger and resident pleasantly-plump person, I cannot in good faith ridicule the bad fashion choices of others without pointing out my own missteps.
At my fashion heights, I worked at a cool clothing shop for plus-sized women, had a closet of stylish clothes, matching shoes and great accessories.
Roughly a year later, I'm showing up for work in wringled jeans and a baseball cap at least once a week.
It is a sad state of affairs. Where did I go wrong?
Yesterday, I made an awful outfit choice. Very bad. In my defense, it felt really good when I put it on.
It was really comfortable.
I know, that's no excuse for bad fashion.
The dark blue, bootcut slacks were a size too big, and about three inches too long. They sagged at my ankles, making them look like elephant trunks.
I had on a gray sweater with a boat neck. It was comfy, but a little snug.
I matched this winner of an outfit with some light gray trouser socks (that did not match the sweater), and some black and gray flats.
The baggy pants made me look huge, while the snug sweater hugged all my fat rolls the wrong way, giving me that "Michelin Man"/fat back look.
My hair wasn't much better, and seemed to have a mind of its own as the sides frizzed out, and the evil cowlick in which I've engaged in many, many battles, stood up proudly.
To put it bluntly, I looked a hot mess.
I didn't notice how much of a hot mess I was until around noon, when I went to lunch with a co-worker. In the shopping center window, I got a full view of my fashion-challenged outfit.
This is an outfit, dear readers, that could've been submitted as a "don't" to Glamour.
It was that bad. I'm not playing. I should be ashamed of myself.
Really.
So, the sweater and pants have been banned from my wardrobe. I went through my closet last night, and found some other items that had to go, too.
I am working on my fashion victim status. I think I have the skills and talent to turn this thing around.
We all make bad outfit choices for the sake of comfort. My husband said I need to start wearing heels again. I traded heels in for aerosole type flats....not flattering on a shorty, but comfortable as ever!
I counting on you to keep up appearances at work. Pretend I'm there to look you over!
I don't know you.