Recently in Weight Gain :( Category

I'm fat - or so it was said by a child at a birthday party I went to recently.

The party was at one of those evil places all adults dread - the ones with loud arcades, screaming bowling allies, disgusting eateries and the obligatory cage of plastic balls kids like to jump in.

It was hell basically, but I was doing it for my MS (main squeeze) and his daughter - both who I'm crazy about.

Anywho, one of the children at the party told MS's daughter that I was fat, and laughed about it.

MS's daughter got mad at her, and said, "Don't say that - she's nice."

I do appreciate my little buddy sticking up for me. However, being "nice" is the kiss of death for any fat person.

Jessica Simpson can't get a hit song on the charts, but she can't stay out of the tabloids, either.

This time, bloggers and people in general are picking on her because of these photo of her onstage, and saying that she's gained weight.

The tabloids went crazy, with her on the cover of the three big ones, defending her weight.

Those "mom" high-waisted jeans and belt are an unfortunate fashion choice, but I don't know if I'd go as far as to call her fat.

Her family blames Jessica's stylist, and a bad camera angle.

They are, apparently, hopping mad, and have pulled out the big guns - the lawyers.

I can't see it. Jessica looks curvy, but I don't know that she can join the ranks of us big girls. I think she looks fine, but she really should avoid those high-waisted pants.

What do you think?

There's no other way to say this.

I miss my mommy.

In the weeks since she died, I've been busy - almost too busy to think about the enormous nature of my loss.

Gentle reminders of her are all around me, whether its in the way my apartment is decorated with family photos (a page right out of my mother's decorating book), or how I deal with my sometimes mischievous cats, which she called her "furry grandchildren."

I miss her so much right now. It has been a difficult few weeks. I really could use her strength right now.

What are you supposed to do without your mother?

I ask myself this question all the time, because the world seems a lot less safe without her around.

I'm struggling with this weight loss thing, too. She was my biggest cheerleader when I had battles with my weight.

When I felt down about it, like I do now, she would help me put in perspective, and encourage me not to give up.

I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life.

I know it's unhealthy, and I want to lose weight.

I don't know if I can.

I need some help. I'm just not sure where to look now.

I feel like I've tried everything.

Mom, I wish you were here. I need you.

At more than 279, I'm heavier than Oprah.

In this AP story, Oprah talks about how she is mad at herself for letting herself get to this point - AGAIN.

I swear I feel like Oprah is writing about me in this story. (Except I don't have as much money as she has, or the extensive wardrobe of the Chicago-grown diva.)

She talked about trying to get an outfit together for the new President's bash in January.

Oprah had one thing in mind, but doesn't think it will fit. How many of us know that feeling?

I was cleaning out my closet last week - A.) Because I need to get rid of some stuff and B.) Because I can't fit a lot of stuff in it.

I tried on one of my favorite shirts. Not only does it not fit, I couldn't even get the buttons close together.

I wanted to cry. I threw the shirt in the charity pile with several others.

I keep trying to tell myself I'm blessed to be alive and healthy. Weight loss is a process, and it will take time. That process will have its ups and downs.

My closet is a mess.

Remember the post I did on how organized and beautiful it is?

No more.

I think I may have to break up with my skinny clothes.

Some keep them around as a motivation. They just depress me.

The cute shirts in smaller sizes are just a reminder that I can't fit them.

I know, I should be more positive, and use them as a goal to aspire to get back into them.

I've tried that, but it doesn't seem to be working. Looking at the cute jeans I could fit many, many moons ago seems to be making it worse.

So, they've got to go.

It's true.

I have not weighed myself since late October, mainly because I fear what the scale will read.

You see, the scale is your friend when you're losing weight.

You step on with the confidence of knowing the reading will be less than it was the last time you took this particular adventure.

You're excited about every weigh in, because you can feel your progress, in the clothes that are not as snug and see it in the cheeks that are no longer as chubby.

This is not the case with me. The scale is not my friend.

I went over to my co-worker, Cathy, today, with a question.

"Remember when you were fat?" I asked. "Did you ever wake up and discover a new roll that just popped up?"

A little background: Cathy and I have worked together for years, and both struggled to lose weight. She's a big winner in that department, and lost lots with a combination of diet and working out (She looks fabulous, too! I'm hoping to get her to share her weight-loss story with you guys as a guest blogger, but we'll chat about that another time).

Anywho, when we were both big girls, we laughed and joked - a lot - so, she wasn't offended when I asked her my questions (And for those of you who know Cathy, it takes A LOT to offend her!)

After she laughed until her face turned red, she responded.

"Oh yes. . . that still happens sometimes."

Tell me about it.

Hi guys. I'm still at 259.

Now, looking at my sexy, full-figure, you'd never guess I could box as a heavyweight fighter.

I could, if I were a man, and not quite so fetching as a woman.

I'm not that into pain, either, so boxing wouldn't be good.

Anywho, I'm still pushing along with the SutriSystem.

It's my fault that I'm not losing. I've cheated.

A lot.

So, it appears that it's back to square one.

Again.

Do you get tired of reading about my yo-yo diet?

I know I am.

Hard.

At this point, I'm somewhere under the wagon, being dragged by it and my extra weight.

Between heartache and the stress of returning work and my physical therapy, I've managed to gain back my lost pounds.

I can't tell you how pleased I am about this.

Actually, I feel like dirt for backsliding.

No, it's not peanut butter jelly time.

(Beware - more fat woman brooding in the jump. . . )

Hi guys.

I know. It's Tuesday, and this is like the first time I've posted this week.

Don't mind me, I'm slacking off.

I hope to have some new and exciting posts for you soon.

In the meantime, I weighed in this morning.

I gained a half a pound.

There's no peanut butter jelly time this week.

I'm hoping it's just water weight.

Sigh.

I've gained weight.

Let's just say that in the last few months, the pounds I lost came back and brought relatives and friends.

So, I'm back up to 250 (plus 7).

Damn. Damn. Damn.

I knew it.

Having a little extra padding is good.

Having a lot of extra padding is not.

The Journal of the American Medical Association said carrying a little extra weight doesn't raise your risk for heart disease and cancer.

It also may help you fight other illnesses, the journal article states.

For fat folks everywhere, this is good news. My co-worker, Jeff, wrote about other York Countians who also have a little extra padding.

So, I'm going to keep those extra 25 pounds.

Now, I only have 45 to lose!

I feel thinner already.

I first noticed it Sunday when I was watching a movie Sunday night.

I looked down at myself and thought, "That's a big belly. Whose belly is that?"

I sat there for a minute, perplexed. I was trying to figure out where this robust belly had come from.

Just a few weeks ago, my belly was on its way out, being taken down, inch by inch, every week by faithful attendance at cycling class.

Every time I sweated for an hour on the bike, I knew I was losing inches. My jeans had started to fit better. Life was good.

And then I stopped going.

What's wrong with me?

Are buckets really holy? Just wondering. . .

Ok, enough about that, I've got something awful to tell you.

Your pleasantly plump - wait, scratch that - your favorite fat blogger has some bad news.

(You're going to have to click on the link to find out what it is.)

What's up with the pounds you lose coming back?

I mean, after I've done this much to get rid of them, wouldn't you think they'd pick up the hint and stay away?

This week, I gained a half a pound. My editors will not allow me to write here the colorful words I used when I looked at the scale Monday morning and saw this half pound was back. Plus, I think my mom is reading this.